Ielts writing task 1

Please review my essay. Thank you very much!

Prompt : The bar chart shows the percentage of school children learning to play different musical instrument in 2005, 2010, 2015.

The given bar chart compares proportions of students who learned to play four kinds of musical instruments in three different years: 2005, 2010, and 2015.

Overall, not only Guitar and Piano were the most popular in all surveyed years, students’ interests in these two instruments showed significant increases. Additionally, while proportion of students enrolling drums classes saw a modest growth, the figure for violin classes decelerated each given year.

Guitar and Piano took turn to top the chart each year with minute gaps. In 2005, both Piano and Guitar classes drew in over 10% of students with the percentage of piano learners slightly higher. After 5 years, almost one fifth of students learned to play piano and the proportion of guitar learners was not far behind. In 2015, both courses experienced a jump in students’ enrollment with each sharing approximately two fifth of all students.

On the other hand, 5% of students showed their interests in Drums in 2005. This figure remained unchanged after 5 years before climbing to just under 10% in 2015. In contrast, though Violin attracted almost 10% of students in 2005, this figure declined gradually and reached only 5% in 2015.