IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Hello Mrs/Mr, I am currently preparing for my IELTS writing exam. Would you please help me check if the paragraph is good to convince others, is the logic right? Thanks a lot!

The first chart illustrates the proportion of households with electrical appliances in one country and the second chart shows the figure for the amount of time which people spent doing housework in households between 1920 and 2019.

As can be seen from the graph, there was an upward trend in all the percentage of households with electrical appliances while the number of hours per week declined from 1920 to 2019.

In the first chart, all the figures for all categories increased over the period. The refrigerator and vacuum cleaner climbed faster than the washing machine. In 1920, research showed there was zero percent of electrical households used and just thirty percent of the vacuum cleaners. However, by 2019, both of them reached a hundred percent. There was an increase of 30 percent from 40 to 70 percent on washing machine in 4 decades. Also, it fluctuated at around 70 percent from 1960 to 2000.

In the second chart, the number of hours was spent on housework went down. The figure stood at 50 percent in the first year. Then it declined about 15 percent by 1980. Moreover, there was relatively no change between 1960 and 1980 then fell to about 10 percent in the final year.