Ielts writing task 1

Question

The first bar chart gives information about the quantity of water supplied for people and the second bar chart illustrates the level of water cleanliness standard to two various plato s in 1990 and 2010.

It is clear that the percentage of water supplied in Australia and South East Asia increased over the period shown whereas the water in Australia had higher level of cleanliness than South East Asia.

Regarding the bar chart, in 1990, the percentage of water supplied in Australia doubled South East Asia with 80% and more or less 40% in order to given. In contrast, the gap shorted about 20% over a ten years period, at almost 100% for Australia and approximately 80% for South East Asia.

Looking at the second bar chart, the percent of cleanliness water at Australia was 70% in 1990 while the figure for South East Asia was 40% at that time. In 2010, Australia seen a remarkable increase in the level of cleanliness of water with over 80% while there was a slight decrease in the cleanliness water level in South East Asia with 35%.

Please kindly check my essay and let me know how to paraphrase naturally and the way to get band 7.

Thanks you so much

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

tham pham the way to get band 7.

Here is an excellent video in which the presenter (an IELTS examiner) compares a band score 6 essay with a band score 7 essay. He goes through each of the components of the score as to what is important to achieve band 7. (Canadian examiner)

And here is another one specifically directed at band 7. (UK examiner.)

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You need to read my advice to improve the word choices.

This practice exam is defective. In the second chart, "Degree of cleanliness" has no meaning - it is nonsense.

The quality of water is determined by taking samples of water and testing them for acidity, color, dissolved oxygen, bacterial content, and turbidity (a measure of the suspended particles in the water). The measure of water quality is not percent.

The only way I can interpret this chart is to assume it measures the percentage of the water supplied that meets the regional quality standards. But "degree of its cleanliness" is not a good title for that.

Please only use reputable Task 1 practice exams. I have seen a lot worse than this one. Writing a bad Task 1 practice is like trying to learn to be a football star by practicing with a lopsided, deflated ball.

The first bar chart gives information about (Give information about is very vague. It does not tell the reader what is on the chart.) the quantity of water supplied for people (Which people?) and the second bar chart illustrates (Illustrate is a poor word choice. It means "make a picture". Bar charts are not pictures. Use it for diagrams and process flows) the level of water cleanliness standard to (wrong word) two various (wrong word. Various means that there are five or more.) plato s (not a valid word) in 1990 and 2010. (Note: That is not a period. It is two discrete time points.)

~~It is clear that~~ Read my advice to avoid these empty dummy-it clauses. They give no information) the percentage of water supplied in Australia and South East Asia (You never mentioned these regions before. The reader is confused.) increased over the period shown (Not a good expression for two discrete points. whereas the water in Australia had a higher level of cleanliness than South East Asia.

~~Regarding the bar chart,~~ in 1990, the percentage of water supplied in Australia doubled (wrong expression) South East Asia with 80% and more or less (vague.) 40% in order to given. (That makes no sense.) In contrast, the gap shorted (wrong word) about 20% over a ten years period, (Over is not good. "a ten-year period could be any ten years. ) at almost 100% for Australia and approximately 80% for South East Asia.

~~Looking at the second bar chart,~~ the percent of cleanliness water (does not make sense.) at (wrong word) Australia was 70% in 1990 while the figure (wrong word) for South East Asia was 40% ~~at that time~~. In 2010, Australia seen (Ungrammatical. Countries do not see, either.) a ~~remarkable~~ increase in the level of cleanliness of water with over 80% while there was a slight decrease in the cleanliness water level in South East Asia with 35%.

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