IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Question

The table compares the proportion of the population of one town who cycled in 2011 according to 5 age groups.

As it can be inferred from the data, in all age groups, the percentage of female cyclists was higher than that of male cyclists. Meanwhile, the lowest proportion of people riding bikes was recorded in the figure for the age of 40 to 59.

Both females and males in the 0-9 age group rode bikes and this proportion remained high in the figure for 10-17 years old females at about 42% while that of males declined by over half to less than 25%.

The figures for the 18-39 and 40-59 years old were much lower. In the former group, only about 17% of women cycled, compared with just under 10% of men. Among the 40-59 years old group, the figures dropped to only 12% for women and 8% for men. However, the proportion of those grew dramatically in the age of over 60 reaching 18,5% for women compared with in the excess of 13% for men.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table compares the proportion of the population of one town who cycled in 2011 ~~according to~~ (wrong phrase) 5 (Write small numbers in words if they are not data values.) in each of five age groups. The groups are young children, aged 0-9, older children, aged 10-17, adults aged 18-39, older adults, aged 40-59, and seniors over 60.

~~As it can be inferred from the data,~~ (You are not supposed to draw conclusions or inferences, Just describe the information. Do not write clauses or phrases like this one.) In all age groups, the percentage of female cyclists was higher than that of males ~~cyclists~~. Meanwhile, the lowest proportion of people riding bikes was ~~recorded in the figure~~ (wrong word) for the age of 40 to 59.

Both females and males in the 0-9 age group rode bikes and this proportion (What proportion was it?) remained high in the figure (wrong word) for 10-17 years old (incorrect - females between the ages of 10 and 17) females at about 42% while that of males declined by over half (from what value?) to less than 25%. (Your long sentence does not make sense. Write directly, precisely and clearly. )

The ~~figures~~ percentages for the 18-39 and 40-59 years old were much lower. (Lower than what?) In the ~~former~~ younger group, only about 17% of women cycled, compared with just under 10% of men. Among the 40-59 age bracket ~~years old~~ group, the ~~figures~~ percentages dropped to only 12% for women and 8% for men. However, the proportion ~~of those grew dramatically~~ in the age of over 60 reaching 18,5% for women compared with ~~in the excess of~~ just over 13% for men.

Here is a model essay for you to study:

This essay is way too long but it gives you some phrases and vocabulary to study.
There are three paragraphs. The first gives all the information about the table, but does not tell the reader about the content. The second gives three major observations. The third gives some interesting details.

Introduction. Note that I give names to the age groups so they can be referred to by name in the body paragraphs. That makes it easier to write and easier for the reader to understand.

The table compares the proportions of males and females who rode bicycles in 2011 in one particular town. There are five rows, one for each age group. Two groups are children and three are adults, specifically, young children aged 0-9, older children aged 10-17, young adults aged 19-39, older adults aged 49-59, and seniors, over 60.

Overall, the proportions for girls and women was higher than that of their male counterparts in every age group, and the children (in the two groups under age 18) cycled more than the adults. About half of the children under age 10, both boys and girls, rode bicycles.

In detail, the age group of older children (10-17) showed the greatest difference between the male and female cyclists, about 42% of the girls cycled compared to 25% of the boys, nearly a 2:1 ratio. The difference was nearly the same for young adults (age 18-39), where the percentage for men (9.7%) was about 0.6 or 60% that of women (17.1%). The age group with the smallest proportion of cyclists was in the older adults (40-59). Even the seniors had higher values (12% and 18% for women and 8% and 13% for men, respectively.) The smallest percentages in the table were the adult males; less than one in every ten men between the ages of 18 and 59 rode a bicycle.

IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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