IELTS Writing Task 1

Here is my completed writing task 1. Please point out my mistakes and give me a band score for each criterion if possible. Thanks in advance.

Topic: The charts below show what UK graduate and postgraduate students who did not go into full-time work did after leaving college in 2008.

The two charts compare four different works that UK graduates and postgraduates who did not work full-time after leaving university did in the year 2008.

It is noticeable that the number of UK graduate students is significantly higher than that of postgraduate students. We can also see that the proportion of those who did part-time work in graduate students is higher than postgraduate students.

In 2008, the main trend in graduates is to study further, which accounted for almost 30000 people. In addition to 2725 people who chose further study, part-time work is also widely common for postgraduates. The figure in this category is slightly smaller, 2535 as the chart showed.

In contrast, the number of graduate and postgraduate students who took part in voluntary work is substantially small, 3500 and 345 respectively. The fraction between postgraduates and graduates in each category is around 10% except for part-time work proportion, which stood at almost 15%. Finally, well over 30000 graduates were unemployed or worked part-time, made up half of the surveyed graduate students.