IELTS Writing task 1

Question

To be honest, this diagram is quite difficult for me to understand. So please check my essay below. Thank you so so much.

I also have another essay which hasn't been checked. If you have free time, please check it for me too. Thank you in advance. I am appreciative very much.

https://www.englishforums.com/English/WritingTask1/bxpdcj/post.htm

The table gives the number of distinct patterns in the reasons people gave for migration from rural to urban areas in a country between 1980 and 2010. There are four main reasons for their moving rural area, and some of the migrants do not give a particular reason.

Overall, the most reason why people choose to migrate is because of spouse or family members. For formal study, on the other hand, it follows a mostly flat trend over the period.

It can be seen that in thirty years, one of the most popular numbers of reasons come from relationships. It was the highest percentage from 1980 to 2000 and remained steady during the period, only varying by 2 percent in the whole period. The percentage of people moving to take up a specific job was accounted for 28 percent in 1980 and dropped significantly after 30 years, with only 12%. By contrast, the figures for those who seek work was rose steadily over the same period - from 22 percent to 35 percent.

Nevertheless, the figures for migrants gave for moving in formal study was quite low, with under one-fifth percent for each year. Moreover, the number of people not gave reason also as the same as the formal study one. This percentage even reach 4 in 1980, but after ten years, it climbed up with 18 percent. /data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_200403_003141_325.sdoc->

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The table gives the number of distinct patterns (incorrect. The integers in the table are not numbers of patterns.) in the reasons people gave for migration from rural to urban areas in a country every decade between 1980 and 2010. There are four main reasons for their moving ~~rural area~~, and some of the migrants do not give a particular reason.

You need to determine what the numbers in the table are. The essay prompt does not give this information, but you can figure it out.

This is the way:

1) Look at the column labeled 1980.
The numbers in that column are 28, 22, 13, 33 and 4. What do you do? Add them up!

28+ 22 = 50, + 13 = 63 + 33 = 96 + 4 = 100!

2) Look at the column labeled 1990. 23 + 20 = 43 + 7 = 50 + 32 = 82 + 18 = 100

3) Look at column 2000

19 + 25 = 44 + 10 = 54 + 31 = 85 _ 15 = 100

Do you see? Every column adds up to 100, exactly.

Maybe they asked 100 people each time. But that does not make sense. Surveys of this kind ask all the people who are migrants if they can, so the data is comparable even though the individuals in the group are completely different..

What are the units of measure? You need to put that in the first paragraph.

Overall, the most common reason why people choose to migrate is because of spouse or family members. For formal study, on the other hand, it follows ~~a mostly flat trend~~ (You do not understand the word "trend". If the values are increasing, it is an upwards trend. If the values are decreasing, it is a downwards trend. If the values stay the same, there is no trend at all.) over the period.

~~It can be seen that~~ in Over this thirty-year period, one of the most frequent ~~popular~~ numbers of reasons (Numbers are not popular. ) come from relationships. It was the highest percentage from 1980 to 2000 and remained steady during the period, only varying by 2 percent in the whole period. The percentage of people moving to take up a specific job was ~~accounted for~~ (wrong verb form) 28 percent in 1980 and dropped by more than 50% ~~significantly after 30 years~~, ~~with~~ to only 12%. By contrast, the ~~figures~~ proportion for those who seek work was rose steadily ~~over the same period~~ (The reader know the time frame. You wrote that in the first paragraph. There is only one of these. Do not repeat the information.) from 22 percent to 35 percent, an increase of nearly 60%

Nevertheless, the figures for migrants gave (ungrammatical clause structure. Also, "figures" is the wrong word. They gave a reason, they didn't give figures.) for moving in formal study was quite low, with under one-fifth percent (The value of one fifth percent is 0.20. There are no values in the table less than one.) for each year. Moreover, the number of people not gave reason (ungrammatical clause structure.) also as the same as the formal study one. This percentage even reach 4 (ungrammatical.) in 1980, but after ten years, it ~~climbed up with~~ more than quadrupled to 18 percent.

You need to study relative clauses and dependent clauses, because it is one of the most frequent grammatical errors that you make.

Your sentence:

Moreover, the number of people not gave reason  also as the same as the formal study one.

The correct clause structure.

Moreover, the number of people who did not give one particular reason  also was the same as the the number who gave the reason of formal study.

Incidentally, this statement is false. The percentages in 1980 were 13 and 4, and in 1990, 7 and 18. These are not the same values.

Your sentence:

Nevertheless, the figures for migrants gave for moving in formal study was quite low, with under one-fifth percent for each year.

Corrected version:

Nevertheless, the proportion of migrants who said that their reason for moving was to do formal study was quite low, less than one in seven in each of the four years.

IELTS Writing task 1

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