IELTS Writing task 1

Question

Although I was tried hard, the essay didn't still have enough 150 maximum words. Please check my essay, thank you so much.

The diagram illustrates City Park prior and following a swimming pool was built. The new swimming pool took up space where previously there had been other things.

Before the swimming pool was constricted, there were two parking lots in Park Road, which were opposed to each other. On the right of the road, there was a garden with a fountain nearby the parking lot. In addition, across the road from the garden, there were two basketball courts.

After the renovation, things along the road looked quite different. The swimming pool was constructed where the parking lot, the fountain and a part of the garden had been before. Across the road from the garden, the parking lot was moved to replace a basketball court./data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_200324_160408_604.sdoc->

Teechr · Accepted Answer

The diagram illustrates City Park prior to and following [ 1] the building of a swimming pool. ~~was built.~~ The new swimming pool took up space where previously there had been car parking spaces. ~~other things.~~

Before the swimming pool was ~~constricted,~~ [ 2] constructed, there were two parking lots, in one right and one left of Park Road which bisects City park in a north-south direction. ~~were opposed to each other.~~ On the right side of the road, there was a garden near the top of the City Park with a fountain. ~~nearby the parking lot.~~ In addition, across the road from the garden, there were two basketball courts also at the top end of the park.

After the ~~renovation,~~ the swimming pool got built, things along the road looked quite different. The swimming pool was constructed where the parking lot, the fountain and a part of the garden had been before. Across the road from the garden, ~~the parking lot was moved to replace a~~ the basketball court nearest Park Road got converted into another parking lot.

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[ 1]: after “prior to” or “following”, we need an event. Hence the “-ing” form.

[ 2]: “constricted” has a completely different meaning. I know this might have been a typo, but this just proves that you should always go over your work before you hand it in.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You have less than 125 words. You need a minimum of 150.

The diagram (There is more than one!) illustrates City Park prior and following a swimming pool was built. (Ungrammatical sentence. You need to study how to write sentences with dependent clauses.) The new swimming pool took up space where previously there had been other things.

Before the swimming pool was constricted, there were two parking lots in Park Road, (The cars do not park in the road. That would block traffic.) which were opposed to (Wrong word. Oppose means to disagree. e.g. I am opposed to higher taxes.) each other. On the right (Use compass points - north/south/east/west) of the road, there was a garden with a fountain nearby the parking lot. In addition, across the road from the garden, there were two basketball courts.

After the renovation, things along the road looked quite different. The swimming pool was constructed where the parking lot, the fountain and a part of the garden had been before. Across the road from the garden, the parking lot was moved (wrong word. The parking lot there was not moved. A new parking lot was built..) to replace a basketball court.

Model essay (230 words).

This essay is longer than the ideal for Task 1, but it illustrates how you can increase the word count with no trouble at all.

It is too wordy for my taste, but perfectly acceptable. In a Task 1 essay where there is little detail, you just have to inspect the diagrams very very closely for the detailed differences.

Outline:

Paragraph 1: Introduction and description of the figures.

Paragraph 2: Description of the "before" image.

Paragraph 3: Description of 1) what did not change, 2) what disappeared 3) what was entirely new and how it compared with the original..

The two plats are aerial views of City Park. The first is an actual map before the park was upgraded to include a swimming pool, and the second is after this construction.

Before this project, the park had fourteen spaces for parking in two lots on either side of the north-south main road. The park entrance was on the south side. The west parking lot could accommodate eight cars and the east lot, six. North of the east lot was a garden with a water feature, a fountain. Opposite the garden on the other side of the main road were two basketball courts.

After the construction, there were several elements of City Park that remained the same. These were the main entrance, Park Road, the west parking lot, the basketball court on the north-west corner and the garden on the northeast corner, although it was about 25% smaller in area. The total area taken by the park did not change either. The items that were removed were the second basketball court (adjacent to Park Road), the fountain, and the east parking lot. Replacing these were a new parking lot for four cars, which was originally the second basketball court, and the pool, constructed on the land of the old east parking lot. The new parking configuration had two fewer parking spaces. The pool, in the southeast corner, has a surrounding tiled deck.

IELTS Writing task 1

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