IELTS WRITING TASK 1

Question

I really need someone to check my mistakes and correct them for me. I would appreciate your assistance very much.

The bar chart gives the information about the amout of money spent in different items in an average household in one European country in 2015. The different colours represent 3 different educational levels (school only, further education, university). And there are 7 areas of expenditure are covered (food home, food away, rent/mortgage, transport, pension, travel abroad and others).

Firstly, the largest percentage of total spending was given over to mortage payment. The figures of school only was reached at approcimately 35%, much higher than 25% for university graduates. After mortage, the next most important area of income spent was transport. In addition, it accounted for over 20% for school leavers and peaked at one fourth of people in further educational level. The proportion of expenditure on pension received by university students was about 17% and it was the highest figures, compared with lower level of education. Food away and travel abroad were less common than others for a household in a European country. And figures of other items was increased in almost 20% for higher levels of education. Moreover, for school only just about 15% in this area.

In conclusion, we can see that most of items was spent by school leavers in 2015. However, food away, pension and travel abroad were the areas of expenditure are larger./data/user/0/com.samsung.android.app.notes/files/clipdata/clipdata_191117_140612_899.sdoc->

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar chart gives the information about (That is too vague. " Information about" can mean account numbers, user names, transaction dates, and other details. Instead tell the reader exactly what is displayed on the chart.) the amout of money spent in (wrong word) different items in an average household in one European country in 2015. ~~The different colours represent~~ three (write out numbers that are for things like categories or groups) 3 different educational levels (school only, further education, university) (ungrammatical series, missing conjunction) are represented. And there are 7 seven areas of expenditure are covered (food home, food away, rent/mortgage, transport, pension, travel abroad and others).

The bar chart compares proportionate expenditures of household income for three groups of people (high school graduates, university graduates, and those with some education after high school) in a European country. The data is for the year 2015, and the seven categories of spending are (food at home, food away from home, rent/mortgage, transport, pension, travel abroad and others).

~~Firstly~~, First, the largest percentage of total spending was given over to mortage payment. The figures (wrong word) of school only was ~~reached at~~ approcimately 35%, much higher than 25% for university graduates. After mortage, the next most important area of income spent was transport. In addition, it accounted for over 20% for school leavers and peaked at one fourth of people in further educational level. The proportion of expenditure on pension received by (Incorrect. "Receive" means they get money. This is spending money. ) university students (Incorrect. There are no students in the groups. There are people with a university degree.) was about 17% and it was the highest figures, (wrong word, wrong form) compared with lower level of education. Food away and travel abroad were less ~~common~~ (wrong word) than others for a household in a European country. And figures (wrong word) of other items was ~~increased in~~ almost 20% for higher levels of education. Moreover, for school only just about 15% in this area.
(ungrammatical sentence - no verb)
In conclusion, we can see that most of items was spent by school leavers in 2015. However, food away, pension and travel abroad were the areas of expenditure are larger.

(ungrammatical sentence - two verbs)

Model "overall" paragraph:

Overall, the category with the highest values for all education levels was housing (mortgage or rent), and transport was second. The percent that people spent on housing was positively correlated with their educational level; the more education that a person had, the less they spent on housing. The inverse was true for travel abroad and retirement; the higher the education level, the more they used for travel and saved for retirement.

IELTS WRITING TASK 1

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