IELTS Writing Task 1

Question

Can you check for me, please!The bar chart gives information about the percentage of illiterate people in different areas by gender in the year 2000.The percentages of illiteracy for women and men in 2000 was in South Asia where it reached about 55% and  32% respectively. However, in East Asia, the rate of females who were unable to read and write was lower by about 35% than the rate in South Asia. In developed countries, the percentage of uneducated women and men were 2% and 1% respectively.In Arab states the rate of educated males was less than that in Sub-Saharan Africa by approximately 4% in contrast, the number of females who were learned/educated in the Arab States was larger than that in Sub-Saharan Africa by around 5%.Overall, females are more illiterate than those of males. The people from developing countries such as South Asia, Arab states and Sub-Saharan Africa had higher illiteracy rates than people from developed countries and Latin America, except East Asia/Oceania.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Note: "Literacy rate" and its converse "illiteracy rate" are specifically defined statistical measures at the UNESCO (United Nations). They are accepted in all countries of the world.

Do not paraphrase or use your own words for predefined statistical measures.

They have very specific mathematical definitions, agreed internationally. An economics professor would frown on any substitutes.

http://uis.unesco.org/node/334704

Literacy rate
Definition 
Total number of literate persons in a given age group, expressed as a percentage of the total population in that age group. The adult literacy rate measures literacy among persons aged 15 years and above, and the youth literacy rate measures literacy among persons aged 15 to 24 years. 
Calculation method
 Divide the number of literates of a given age range by the corresponding age group population and multiply the result by 100. 
Alternatively, apply the same method using the number of illiterates to derive the illiteracy rate; or by subtracting the literacy rate from 100%.

The bar chart gives ~~information about~~ (It does not "give information about" because there is no text, only numbers.) the ~~percentage of illiterate people~~ illiteracy rates in different areas (What areas?) by gender in the year 2000.

The percentages of illiteracy (incorrect) for women and men in 2000 was (missing word?) in South Asia where it was ~~reached~~ about 55% and 32% respectively. However, in East Asia, the (missing word) rate of for females ~~who were unable to read and write~~ was lower by about 35% than the rate in South Asia. In developed countries, the percentage of uneducated women and men (incorrect) were 2% and 1% respectively.

In Arab states the rate of educated males (incorrect) was less than that in Sub-Saharan Africa by approximately 4% in contrast, the number of females who were learned/educated (completely incorrect. The chart does not show numbers of individuals.) in the Arab States was larger than that in Sub-Saharan Africa by around 5%.

Overall, females are more illiterate than ~~those of~~ males. The rates in the ~~people from~~ developing countries such as South Asia, Arab states and Sub-Saharan Africa were ~~had~~ higher ~~illiteracy rates~~ than ~~people from~~ those of the developed countries and Latin America. , ~~except East Asia/Oceania~~.

Suggestion:

The bar chart shows the estimated illiteracy rates among six different areas of the world for males and females as of 2000. The six areas are: 1. Developed Countries, 2. Latin America and the Caribbean, 3. East Asia and Oceania, 4. Sub-Saharan Africa, 5. Arab States and 6. South Asia.

In all six regions, the illiteracy rate for males was higher than that of females. There were significant differences between the regions, with South Asia having the highest rates, and Developed Countries the lowest. The difference in these extremes was 57% to 3% for females and 33% to 2% for males. Three areas (South Asia, Arab States and Sub-Saharan Africa) had female illiteracy rates between 45% and 55% with corresponding male rates around 30%. In contrast, the remaining three areas had female illiteracy rates less than 20%, and male rates less than 10%.

The gap between male and female rates was proportionately highest in East Asia/Oceania, with a difference of 250% (8% for males; 20% for females.) In comparison, the gap was 20% in Latin America (10% for males and 12% for females.) In absolute terms, the gaps were highest for South Asia and Arab States (22-23%), and lowest in the Developed Countries and Latin America (1-2%).

IELTS Writing Task 1

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