IELTS WRITING TASK 1:
Hello everyone, please help me improve this essay written for IELTS Writing Task 1.
Task: The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from their employers.
The graphs illustrated the two factors resulting in study of students in various age groups and how much their employers supported them.
It is noticeable that people tended to study for their interest instead of their career when they got older. At the same time, they needed less support from their managers than when they were younger.
80% of under 26 year-old students agreed that they learn for their jobs, while only 10% of them admitted to study for their interest. The rate of students studying to have success in career decreased gradually when the age went up to over 49 to hit under one fifth. In contrast, there was a steady increase in the number of people who studied because of interest, from 15% to 70%.
About half of employees from less than 26 to 29 needed the most support from their employers. People needed the least help when they were in their 30s, about 30% of the time. This amount of support rose up by 6% - 7% when people got to over 49 years old.
(178 words)
Top answer
The graphs illustrated the two factors resulting in study of students (not quite right. that motivated people to take classes ) in various (Not precise enough. ) age groups and how much their employers supported them.
- The graphs illustrated the two factors resulting in study of students (not quite right.
- that motivated people to take classes ) in various (Not precise enough.
- ) age groups and how much their employers supported them.
- It is noticeable that P eople tended to study for their interest instead of their career when they got older.
- At the same time, they needed ("Needed" is a conclusion.
Get the Weekly English Kit 📬
New words, one handy idiom, and a 2-minute quiz — delivered to your inbox to keep your streak alive.
The graphs illustrated the two factors resulting in study of students (not quite right. ... that motivated people to take classes ) in various (Not precise enough. How many groups?) age groups and how much their employers supported them.
It is noticeable that Peop
0
Related Questions