Ielts writing task 1

hi, everyone

I have a little problem with my IELTS writing task 1

Could you check it and give me some advice please.

Many thanks

This is one kind of bar chart without timescale.

The data given in the bar chart exhibit the percentage of artistic activities which were participated by three types of age groups in 2007. Overall, decorating, handicrafts, gardening displayed the most dominant rate belong to age group 25-39 and 40-54, while the biggest level was found in photograph/ film among age group 15-24.
As can be seen from the bar chart, regarding age group 15-24, the percentage of young people who took part in photograph/ film display the greatest volume with exactly 30% . Coming in the next ranks were decorating, handicrafts, gardening (28%), dancing (27%), musical instruments (15%), singing (22%), writing (24%), none (spontaneous) (25%) and other activities (29%), correspondingly with last acting having the smallest quantity with nearly 10%.
Moving on to the profile of people who came from two age group 25-39 and 40-54, the most dominant percentage was recorded in decorating, handicrafts, gardening for both age groups with exactly 40% and 45% respectively, while the proportion of acting which were joined in by both groups middle-age and old-age show the most significant quantity with 4% and 2%.