Ielts Writing taks 1

Question

This is the first time that I write ielts task 1. Could you check and evaluate the score help me. Thanks so much.

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The line graphs below compares birth rates of China and USA which were altered over 80 years from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, the birth rates of both nations fluctuated rapidly over the period given. Although the two trends were similar in terms of a reduction, a mount of birth rates of the USA a lot of years was higher than that of China.

With regard to the amount of birth rates of USA were counted, it a double reached a high 15% between 1920 and 1950, it reached a low 5% at the same period. This figure then fluctuated about 10% to 15% just over 20 years, from 1950 to 1970. By contrast, between 1970 to 2000, it fell slowly alow 5% to 10%.

Over the same period from 1920 to 1950, in term of birth rates of China reach a low 5%. It peaked at 20% higher than that percentage of USA. Meanwhile, between 1955 and 2000, the birth rates of China decreased rapidly alow 10%, falling to approximately 2% in 2000.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Please read my advice for Task 1: IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

The line graphs (incorrect. There is only one graph.) ~~below~~ compares the birth rates of China and USA which were altered (wrong word) over 80 years from 1920 to 2000.

The line graph compares the birth rates of China and USA over a period of 80 years from 1920 to 2000.

Overall, the birth rates of both nations fluctuated (wrong word) rapidly (wrong adverb. The changes were slow most of the time. ) over the period ~~given~~. Although the two curves ~~trends~~ were similar in terms of a reduction, (wrong word) ~~a mount~~ (wrong word - mount is short for mountain.) of birth rates of the USA a lot of years was higher than that of China.

Most of the time, the USA had a higher birth rate than China. The two curves were positively correlated.

With regard to the amount of birth rates (wrong expression. It is the birth rate, not the "amount of birth rates.") of USA were counted, (??) it a double reached a high 15% (The scale is not percentage. It is numbers.) between 1920 and 1950, it reached a low 5% at (wrong word) the same period. This figure (wrong word) then fluctuated (wrong word) about 10% to 15% just over 20 years, from 1950 to 1970. By contrast, between 1970 to 2000, it fell slowly alow 5% to 10%.

Over the same period from 1920 to 1950, in term of birth rates of China reached a low 5%. It peaked at 20% higher than that percentage of USA. (20% higher than ... This means that if the USA's birth rate was 10, China's was 12. Twenty percent of 10 is 2. ) Meanwhile, between 1955 and 2000, the birth rates of China decreased rapidly alow 10%, falling to approximately 2% in 2000.

Model paragraph:

The graph can be divided into four periods, 1920-1935, 1935-1945, 1945-1950 and 1955-2000. In the first period, the birth rates varied between 10 and 15. There was nearly a perfect correlation between the two curves. The second period was a time of great change. The birth rates of both countries reached a low of 5. In China, it fell by two thirds, from 15 to 5, with a smaller drop in the USA, from 12 to 5. After the end of World War II in 1945, birth rates rose to peak values, quadrupling to 20 in China and tripling to 15 in the USA. These peaks occurred simultaneously, around 1950. From that point forward, there were decreases in the birth rates of both countries. There was a significant drop in China between 1950 and 1955 when it fell by more than half from 20 to 8. The decline in the USA was more continuous. Between 1980 and 2000, the birth rate stayed in a narrow range around 7-8 in the USA, and around 2-3 in China.

Ielts Writing taks 1

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