Ielts Writing part 1

Can you help me to fix this essay, I am a starter for IELTS so maybe my writing isn't so good, but I really need someone who help me improve my mistake, give me new ideas and vocabs (Actually I want to achieve a band 8+ in future) Thank so much if you can give me a help!

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.

The bar chart below shows the numbers of men and women attending various evening courses at an adult education centre in the year 2009. The pie chart gives information about the ages of these course participants.

Write a report for a university, lecturer describing the information shown below.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

You should write at least 150 words.

Your essay: The charts give information about the amount of males and females who attended four different classes including: drama, painting, sculpture and language at an educational centre for adult in 2009 with the average age of those students. Overall, we can see from the bar graph the number of individual participated in each course, when most of woman chose language class, men preferred painting one. Meanwhile, take a closer look to another chart, there are two groups of age were accounted for two-third in the whole figure.

Looking at details, it is clear that sculpturing not as popular as other types, just 10 members for men and no more than 5 members for woman, however, drama class were significantly higher than three times compare on female students, while just stayed unchanged when it comes to male participants. Moreover, at the same time, the number of course takers in painting class for either men as well as women rose noticeably, approximately 25 students and 30 students respectively, on the other hand, an dramatically growth in women participants to a peak of 40 individuals, although it was also a slightly decline in male members.

In term of making comparison between both genders in studying evening courses, it showed that majority of students were at the age 40 to 49 as well as the age of 50 or above which was calculated for 26% and 42% respectively whereas that figure of the age from 30 to 39 was fewer. Additionally, age group lower than 29 occupied about one-third in total, so as a result, it can be inferred from the pie graph that almost attendees were the elderly.