Ielts writing essay task 2

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i would really appreciate it if you tell me about my mistakes in this essay.

At the present time,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people.

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

In the contemporary era, some countries population consists of a relatively multitude of young adults, as comparison with the number of older people. I believe that the merits of this proportion far overweigh the downsides of that. my opinion will be reinstated by covering some benefits of this issue.

To embark on, generally youthful population in any nation has more creativity, courage, capability of acquiring new skills, energy and healthiness, contrast to old adults. These factors decidedly play crucial role in economy development in one country. To cite an example, young adults mostly have innovations for commencing new business enterprises or companies, they don’t have the fear of establishing new structures for risky business plans or investing on that. Moreover, young entrepreneurs they can requisite new skills easily and fast rather than old adults, they are full of vim and vigor and vitality, thereby, they have adequate power to recuperate the society economies. Clearly, the progress of economy can bring about more welfare and convenient life for citizens.

Furthermore, another privilege of a great youthful mass in one society is the better defense system. Undeniably, soldiers and armed forces are the young adults, who have high physical strenuous and body endurance which leading them to accomplish the duty of protecting country. For instance, in battle against enemies in the war situation, young soldiers with superior potential and strength can defeat attackers and demolish the menace of their country effortless as apposed to old soldiers with old age association illness.

To conclude, an enormous number of young individuals as compared to older people provides positive implications such as economy improvement and better military action for protecting country, which will overcome the downsides of that.