Ielts writing essay task 2

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this is my writing for task 2 question , could you please recognize my mistakes?

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In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

In this contemporary era, technology has brought a plethora pleasant and unpleasant change in our lives. Making payments for things or services via cellphone’s utilization has become widespread around world. This essay will discuss that how advantages of these applications outweigh their disadvantages.

One of the problems living in hectic society is lack of time; individuals frequently wasting time in commuting intercity and suffering from traffic jam. By emergence of numerous apps in cellphone devices, people are able to transfer money from one device to other with help of the internet only by single tap. Thereby citizens no longer need to spend long period for paying what they purchase or for their utility bills. In addition, payments through a digital platform are recorded digitally. Therefore, one ought not to keep track of the transaction, which makes expense management a breeze. Furthermore, this will reduce paper consumption that could be effective in protecting the environment.

On the flip side, there are a number of folks who are illiterate and even elderly people in third world countries do not know how to make use of phone apps to make payments. Moreover, there are number of crowd in deprived areas who do not have smartphones or internet access, they use traditional methods. Thus, mobile functions might be a Problematic way for a certain people.

In conclusion, absolutely features like saving time and decreasing usage of energy are a few of the numerous advantages of these apps. Indubitably these apps will have obviated most of the modern human troubles in near future and there is no way for whole of the community to be accustomed to the new technology.