Ielts writing essay need check!!!

here's my writing essay for the ielts test, pls help me check it. Thank you so much.

(30/01/2016) Prison is the common way in most countries to solve the problem of crime. However, a more effective solution is to provide people with a better education. Agree or disagree........57

Confine sentence has been applied to punish many specific wrongdoers as the most common way to enhance community safety in all over the world. However, I agree that this problem can be tackle as soon as we can by turning young offenders into law-abiding citizen simply through better education.

In many countries, the annual criminal rate was highly increased throughout recent years, especially in developing countries result in the need of immediate punishment to be tough on crime. Therefore imprison wrongdoers seem to be the most effective models to raise the awareness of citizens in such a short term. In addition, a policy with zero tolerance can help re-offenders reintegrate back into society successfully without breaking the laws again.

On the other hand, if these confine punishment applied after suspects were committed the crime, a long-term solution for criminal prevention which probably is higher educated to whom in needy or in lower classification must be take into consideration as the most effective prevention in dropping criminal percentage down to the minimum level. The role of education is to provide illiterate people or young people who embark on a life of crime as a result of the bad influence of criminals whom they know a full weight of basic knowledge. For example, an illiterate child who was born in poor family with criminal father often turn to criminal and serve a prison sentences at his young age because he can’t find a real paid job to afford himself so he have no choices better than robbery.

To conclude, I would argue that the most effective way to reduce crime is to make up their mind by education and the government could take some effective steps to prevent crime behaviors as soon as they can.