[ IELTS WRITING] - Correct and comment

I'm learning IELTS and I really need help to improve my writing skills. I would be grateful for help. Many thanksssss.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that is better to get a job straight after school

It is believed that students should enter the labour force after school rather than studying at university or college. I would argue that it is better to have higher education.

The option to start finding a job after graduate is attractive for several reasons. Many young people want to help their parents with financial problems. Work means steady earning, so that they can make a living without support from family. In terms of career, they can gain on the job experiences and practical skills quicker than those in university. That will help them to promote and have a successful career. In addition, working creates a feeling of responsibility which helps students become independent and self-reliant at younger age.

On the other hand, I believe having a university or college degree brings many benefits. Firstly, students can do jobs such as doctor and lawyer which require specialised knowledge that they only attain in university or college. To be a doctor, students have to understand deeply about, for example, symptoms and problems of illness. This cannot acquire by observing and practicing only. Secondly, the labour market now is highly competitive and a profession certificate will assure students a better future. A degree will helps them more outstanding and it will be easier to find a promising job with high earning and opportunities.

For the reason mentioned above, students should keep studying and learning at university or college for a successful career.