Ielts writing

Question

Some people think reading stories in books is better than watching tv or playing computer games for children . Do you agree or disagree  There are a flotilla of ways for juveniles to gain knowledge . Several people contend that learning through books are more effective than watching broadcasts and playing computer games. I totally agree with this opinion because people can gain a comprehensive understanding about a particular topic and also boost their imagination . The main reason why I believe that reading stories in books is a viable initiative for the acquisition of knowledge . A manifest justification would be that books have a huge amount of stories that can erapture children’s curiosity to open their minds . As a result, it can advocate for them in recognising and discriminating between the right and the wrong , the causes and the effects which are pivotal lessons for them in their future paths . Another reason why I support the notion that reading stories in books is superior versus other forms of learning is due to the fact that it can boost children’s creative thinking . After spending a long time on reading deliberately , books which are filled with decorated details can help them to concentrate to remember the main content of the topics and also grammar and vocabulary  in these books . Therefore , it can be an imperative friend for them to arm themselves with necessary knowledge to counteract potential risks and gain intelligence .In conclusion , I completely agree that reading books is superior for youngsters than watching broadcasts and playing video games . This is because this form of learning should be recognised as an effective initiative for the purpose of the acquisition of knowledge and boosting creative thinking . Given this situation , it seems that children should balance between theories in books and theories from life’ experiences to have their own definitions about particular things.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

There are a flotilla (wrong word. A flotilla is a convoy of old warships.) of ways for juveniles to gain knowledge . (There is nothing in the task about gaining knowledge. It could be just means of entertainment. If you focus on something that is not in the task, you will lose points.) Several (Several is less than 10. It is not a good word here.) people contend that learning (Off-topic) through books are more effective than watching TV shows ~~broadcasts~~ and playing computer games. I totally agree with this opinion because people can gain a comprehensive understanding about a particular topic and also stimulate ~~boost~~ their imagination .

The main reason ~~why I believe~~ that reading stories in books is (Ungrammatical - a reason is not an initiative. You did not write this correctly.) a viable initiative for the acquisition of knowledge . A manifest justification would be that books have a ~~huge~~ ("Huge" is not a very academic word. Use better words.) amount (wrong word. Amount is for non-count nouns like money or water. "Stories" is countable) of stories that can erapture children’s curiosity and to open their minds . As a result, it can advocate (wrong word) for them in recognising and discriminating between ~~the~~ right and ~~the~~ wrong , the causes and the effects which are pivotal lessons (That does not make sense.) for them in their future paths .

Another reason ~~why I support the notion that reading stories in books is superior versus other forms of learning~~ (repetitive. You do not need to repeat this. You lose points.) is ~~due to the fact~~ (verbose.) that it can boost children’s creative thinking . After spending a long time on reading deliberately , books which are filled with ~~decorated~~ (wrong word) details can help them to concentrate and to remember the main content of the topics and also grammar and vocabulary ~~in these books~~ (unnecessary). Therefore , it can be an imperative (wrong word) friend for them to arm themselves with necessary knowledge to counteract potential risks ~~and gain intelligence~~ . (wrongly used)

In conclusion , I completely agree that reading books is superior for young children ~~youngsters~~ than watching broadcasts and playing video games . This is because this form of learning should be recognised as an effective initiative for the purpose of the acquisition of knowledge and boosting creative thinking . (The task did not ask for a recommendation. Already your essay is off-topic. That makes it even more off-topic.) ~~Given this situation , it seems that children should balance between theories in books and theories from life’ experiences to have their own definitions about particular things~~.

Comments:

1. Many students think that if they use high-level vocabulary, they will get a higher band score. This is a false impression. One of the four scoring criteria for Task 2 is "Lexical Resource." A student with a high level of lexical resource not only knows many words, but they know how to use them. If you use "sophisticated" vocabulary in an unnatural or wrong way, it will lower your score considerably.

2. You need to read the task instructions very carefully, several times. Do not write about what you think they might have meant. Focus on exactly what the words say. This task did not mention "learning" or "knowledge". It is about leisure time activity, not studying activity.

3. Your writing style is rather wordy. You can improve by writing the same ideas in fewer words. Avoid repetition.

4. You did not use any personal examples. Relevant personal examples from your own knowledge or experience can be very effective in supporting your answer.

Ielts writing

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions