Ielts writing

Question

We cannot help anyone in the world that needs help , so we should only be concerned with our own communities and countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help so we should only be concerned with our communities and countries.
Some people believe that we should help not help the foreigners as there are so many problems in your countries. I disagree with this opinion because I believe that we should try to help as many people as possible.
Helping the impoverished in our communities is indeed much easier as these people are near to us. There are so many ways to help them. In most communities, there are many people who are indigent and disadvantaged in some ways. They can be your neighbors your friends or someone you don't even know. So there are more chances that you can help them. As the problems are on our doorstep, helping people within our national borders is easily targeted. So the notion of helping people in other countries is none of your concern is reasonably understood.
At the same time, I believe that we have the obligation to help those beyond our national borders. It is an undeniable truth that the development of each country is varied. There are always countries in which human social welfare hasn't been focused on. Governments can not adapt them with due consideration and support. People in these countries don't have chances to get access to basic social services such as media, education, health. Governments and individuals are appealing critical aids from other countries. Take Africans as an example. In the past, without outsiders' assistance, its civilians have faced up with a wide range of problems stretching from food, water inavailability, high rate of crimes, low qualifications of education to poverty themselves. However, in recent years, with the remarkable help of international volunteering organizations, these living standards have been extremely promoted. A staggering sum of money has been raised for the charity fund by local people from other countries could eventually access the Africans. The money was used to build up more stable infrastructure and facilities needed to sustain their lives. So even a small donation to an international charity might have a much greater influence than helping within our local area.
In conclusion, indeed, we cannot help everyone, but in my opinion, national territory's limitations should not stop us from those who are in need

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You wrote 380 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high band scores. And there are many reasons for this.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for each of those errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points in task response or coherence and cohesion.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. Do not write about things that are not specifically given in the task. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even lose your direction and contradict yourself. Develop just two or three argument points with examples and personal experiences. It is much better to have two well-developed and fleshed-out argument points than to have four which are just individual separate statements.

Fourth, you will spend a lot of time writing, and not have sufficient time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, which everyone makes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time for Task 1, and get a lower score there. You should allow 40 minutes for task and 20 minutes for Task 1. The word counts are designed so that you have ample time for brainstorming and then writing the two parts.

Aim to write around 270 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.
You can use this word counter: https://www.ieltsscore.com/word-counter/

AlpheccaStars · Answer

We cannot help everyone in the world that needs help so we should only be concerned with our communities and countries. (This paragraph is too short. )
Some people believe that we should help not help the foreigners (Foreigners can be tourists in your city. The topic is not about them.) as there are so many problems in your (wrong pronoun) countries. I disagree with this opinion because I believe that we should try to help as many people as possible.

Helping the impoverished in our communities is indeed much easier as these people are near to us. There are so many ways to help them. In most communities, there are many people who are indigent and disadvantaged in some ways. They can be your neighbors your friends or someone you don't (Do not use contractions in formal writing.) even know. So there are more chances that you can help them. As the problems are on our doorstep, helping people within our national borders is easily targeted. So the notion of helping people in other countries is none of your concern is reasonably understood.
At the same time, ~~I believe that~~ (The body paragraphs are for supporting, not stating, your thesis.) we have the obligation to help those beyond our national borders. It is an undeniable truth that the development of each country is varied. There are always countries in which human social welfare hasn't been focused on. Governments can not adapt (wrong word) them with due consideration and support. People in these countries don't have ~~chances to get~~ access to basic social services such as media, (wrong word. "media" is not a social service.) education, (missing conjunction) health. Governments and individuals are appealing to ~~critical aids from~~ other countries for aid.. Take Africans (wrong word. Africans is not a country. Africa is a continent with many countries.) as an example. In the past, without outsiders' assistance, its civilians have faced ~~up with~~ (wrong expression) a wide range of problems stretching from food, water (missing conjunction) inavailability, high rate of crimes, low qualifications of education to poverty themselves. (wrong word) However, in recent years, with the remarkable help of international volunteering organizations, ~~these~~ their living standards have been extremely promoted. (wrong word - promote means to advertise.) A staggering sum of money has been raised for the charity fund by local people from other countries could eventually access the Africans. (ungrammatical sentence. There is no subject for the verb "could access" and "Access" is the wrong word. ) The money was used to build up more stable infrastructure and facilities needed to sustain their lives. So even a small donation to an international charity might have a much greater influence than helping within our local area.
In conclusion, indeed, we cannot help everyone, but in my opinion, national territory's limitations (wrong phrase0 should not stop us from assisting / aiding / helping / lending a hand to those who are in need

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