IELTS writing

Question

Topic: some people believe that school children should not be given homework by their teachers, whereas others argue that homework plays an important role in the education of children. Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.

My essay:

Some people have different views about whether or not school children should be given homework. While there are some strong arguments against the setting of homework, i still believe that is a vital factor to improve student 's performance.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why people might argue that homework is an unnecessary burden on children. First, to illustrate for the idea that homework do nothing to improve academic performance. In Finland, where students don't have homework, regularly top international educational league tables and even outperform other nations where setting homework is a norm. Secondly, many parents would agree that their children have a long day in educational institution, thus, they may be too awfully tired to do further study at home. Finally, it is recognised that play time also brings lots of benefits for the brain's development.
On the other hand, it is undeniable fact that homework has an important role to play in educating children. The main advantage of homework is that it can encourage independent learning and problem solving through they must know how to apply the knowledge that they have learnt in the school for fulfilling homework. Furthermore, is is important for children to develop an independent study habit as a way of forming their personalities.

By way of conclusion, homework certainly has its drawbacks, but i believe that the benefits are twofold.

Thank you!!!

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

You will get a low score because you wrote 230 words and the minimum is 250.

Also, if you use "i" as a word, it will cause you to lose many points. It is not a word. It is the ninth letter of the alphabet. Letters do not have opinions.
I have highlighted the other places in your text where you have errors. There are other minor problems besides these.

If you revise your essay and post it again, I can give you more specific feedback.

Some people have different views about whether or not school children should be given homework. While there are some strong arguments against the setting of homework, i still believe that is a vital factor to improve student 's performance.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why people might argue that homework is an unnecessary burden on children. First, to illustrate for the idea that homework do nothing to improve academic performance. In Finland, where students don't have homework, regularly top international educational league tables and even outperform other nations where setting homework is a norm. Secondly, many parents would agree that their children have a long day in educational institution, thus, they may be too awfully tired to do further study at home. Finally, it is recognised that play time also brings lots of benefits for the brain's development.
On the other hand, it is undeniable fact that homework has an important role to play in educating children. The main advantage of homework is that it can encourage independent learning and problem solving through they must know how to apply the knowledge that they have learnt in the school for fulfilling homework. Furthermore, is is important for children to develop an independent study habit as a way of forming their personalities.

By way of conclusion, homework certainly has its drawbacks, but i believe that the benefits are twofold.

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