Ielts writing

hii! please help me by checking my grammar and sentence structures!

Topic 1: Fast food is now universally in most countries and is becoming increasingly popular. Some feel that this is a positive trend, while others do not.

What are your opinions in this?

My essay:

It is sometimes argued that fast food consumption is on the increase almost all over the globe and it becomes extremely popular among people especially youngsters. While a group of people assert that this is a positive aspect in food industry, I believe that there are some negative impacts.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that consuming fast food to excess results in major health problems. Foods such as fried chicken, hamburgers and chips – which are contain a great deal of fat and salts are responsible for such ailments as high blood pressure, obesity and diabetes. If you consume lots of junk food, it may face up to illnesses in later life. Furthermore, some traditional foods will be superseded by fast foods which will result in diminishing the culture and customs of societies. For instance, in developed countries are more interested in consuming fast food rather than eating traditional cuisines, thus, the next generations may ignore their national values which has been passed down from generation to generation.

On the other hand, I am in favor of the idea that there have been a number of positive aspects in expansion of fast foods in different countries. Nowadays, people are always on the go and they do not have enough time for a proper sit down meal, as a result fast foods are one of the best choices for those who are always in hurry. Further and even more importantly, more employment opportunities for people will be created by fast food industry as a way to support job seekers. It is interesting to note that junk foods are usually more affordable than others kinds of foods such as pasta, beefsteak and so on, so that could be a better choice for student.

By way of conclusion, I once again restate my position that although there are some advantages of consuming fast foods in countries, the negative impacts far outweigh its benefits. I believe the fast food consumption should be restricted and it is the only way to protect the next generation from debilitating diseases.

Thanks.