can you please review the below Ielts essay???
Essay topics: There are many different types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heared everywhere nowadays?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
It is irrefutable that music play a vital role in our day to day lives.Music trends have changed in leaps and bounds over the past few decades.Human life can not be imagined without the touch of music in it.There are various forms of music available in the world these days but I believe local form of music is more significant than global music due to plethora of reasons.
Firstly,conventional form of music in a country brings unity among its citizens.It keeps the local culture alive.This often helps in keeping younger generations aware and intrigued about the diverse form of art and music present in their country. Furthermore,cultural songs recreate a sense of patriotism among the people and remind them of the sacrifices made by legends and heroes of their country.For example,in my country India on republic day people chant their traditional songs and national hymns which brings solidarity in people.
Secondly,due to the advent of cosmopolitan societies people have access to international platforms.This allow local musicians to showcase their talent on international platforms globally.For instance,some entertainment shows like coke studio allow people from all the countries to show their music skills.This helps people to get a glimpse of different compositions across the globe.This also brings versatility in music styles and lyrics.
On the opposite school of thoughts it is believe that international music should be preferred over local music to endorse the idea of globalization.But in my opinion this will impact local music industry as young people will be influenced with outside world and they will not be able to connect with their roots.
To recapitulate music provides peace to mind and soul irrespective of any language barriers hence it should not be bonded in one form only.It will be a boon to society if both local and international music walks hand in hand.
You have many spacing errors. Always put a space after a punctuation mark. T here are various forms of music available in the world these days but I believe that local form of music is more significant than global music due to a plethora of reasons.
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You have many spacing errors. Always put a space after a punctuation mark.
It is irrefutable that music play a vital role in our day to day lives.Music trends have changed in leaps and bounds (That is rather informal) over the past few decade