Ielts writing

I've written an essay of IELTS writing task 2. And I want some comments on this. this is the first time I've finish an overall essay.

Some people say that physical exercise should be a required part of every school day. Other people believe that students should spend the whole school day on academic studies. Which opinion do you agree with? Use specific reasons and details to support your answer.

There are some different views about whether school boards should compel their students to concentrate thoroughly on academic studies or make physical education become a core subject at schools. In my opinion, it is necessary that students take part in physical activities due to some benefits of this action.

On the one hand, it is undeniable that physical exercises bring back youngsters some good points of health. Actually, many researchers has said that doing exercise regularly will help to maintain a good memory for things and boost the process of the body’s metabolism which is essential for the young age. Today, many students regard this activity as the superd way for them to keep fit and unwind after an overwhelming schedule at schools. Moreover, students who readily participate in physical exercises in education environment will find it much easier to make friends with others and learn more about some prime skills, including effective teamwork, public speaking and conflict resolution skill.

On the other hand, if pupils spend all of their school lifetime improving academic standards, some serious outcomes may happen expectedly. Not only will they highly suffer from extreme mental fatigue and stress but they are also lacking in some necessary social skills. For example, the fact that a student is very good at solving the most difficult Maths exercises does not mean he or she easily figure out a solution to a specific urgent circumstance. So, keeping students active at schools by organizing some sports activities and clubs will help teachers to connect pupils to others, adapting the conditions of global integration in the recent years.

In conclusion, although being proficient in academic subjects gives students a potential advantage over otheer competitors when finding employment in the future, it is still important for them to have a good mind and healthy lifestyle which can be got from doing physical activites often especially at schools. I believe that balancing knowledge with fitness is a key to lead a successful school life.