IELTS writin task 2

Hi everyone, I'm Alison, I'm new to the forum. I was referred by a friend to have a look at this website and have my writing evaluated by experts. I will be taking IELTS General Training soon so it will be very much appreciated if you can give me some feedback on my essay.

Thanks,

Alison

--- Topic:

Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty.

Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.

-- - Content:

The past few years have witnessed the burgeoning growth of globalisation and people from the flourished nations tend to help those from the third world from the financial aspect. The debate over whether we should encourage this form of help or not remains a controversial issue. The advocates of the financial aid opine that only money is able to resolve urgent demands whereas critics argue that corruption may be resulted from this. From my personal perspective, this matter has brought both beneficial and adverse effects. The discussion of this topic deserves proper scrunitisation before forming any judgement.

To embark on, there are various rationales why this radical approach to financial aid is so popular. Apparently, money is the most convenient mode of help while other approaches such as food and clothes donation will take time for transportation, not to mention that food might get spoiled after a certain period. Apart from this, this means of donation can fuel the economy and boost growth from many aspects. Therefore, in lots of scenarios, rich countries are motivated to accelerate their efforts towards money donation.

On the contrary, I do not accord on the aforesaid methodology to a certain extent. There can also be detrimental impacts triggered by this trend that are worth mentioning. First and foremost, the conventional means of donation has become an ardent habit of many countries. Whilst some parties and authorities tend to show a preference for money, lots of people from affluent or middle class, especially those in Africa, are seen desperately expecting food donation, as money, in this occasion, does not mean much to them. Besides, this matter has not only brought up criticism of the poor but also sparked anger from the donors as corruptions happened rather frequently. This is, hence, really a worrisome matter for the ones who are in need.

To conclude, the notion of the donors giving money is indeed adventurous, but proper monitoring and reporting should be given to avoid untoward consequences. Government and individuals should make collective efforts against corruption. Indeed, these measures are highly required to curb this problem as a stitch in time saves nine.