IELTS Task 2 writing: Can the lovely people here review my essay? Hopefully you can give me an estimated band too? Thanks!

TOPIC: Ambition is being emphasized in today’s society.
How important do you think it is for those who want to succeed in their life?
Is it a positive or negative characteristic?

Regardless of gender, age or the era one lives in, he must set personal goals in order to thrive and improve himself. Therefore, being driven and motivated has an indispensable role for those who crave to move forward in life. In reality, the majority of people today are willing to climb the corporate ladder at the expense of putting other values such as family and health at risk. This raises the question whether being ambitious is advantageous or ends up backfiring on oneself.

Without a conspicuous goal, an individual will find himself disoriented, which results in being incapable of contributing his talents and resources to the community. Usually, an objective will be broken down into smaller tasks that urges the brain to figure out necessary steps in order to finish it. Hence, that person will be guided to the right direction with no doubt. If any obstacles block his path, they are going to be removed in the most ideal way as he has the necessary toolkit accumulated from past experiences. Needless to say, ambition acts as the fundamental basis for humans to develop and conquer their goals.

When one is determined to pursue his ambition, more often than not he neglects the surrounding factors unconsciously. He would choose to spend extra hours at the office rather than attending his daughter's first major piano performance. He would consume an unreasonable amount of coffee rather than having seven hours of sleep at night. Not until too late did he realize he cared either for his family welfare or his own physical and mental health. Like all things else, life requires harmony as well as balance to be enjoyable and worthy.

As outlined above, I believe having incentives in life is a desirable trait. The issue only raises when we take it to the extreme.