Ielts task 2 writing

Hi everyone! I'm going to take an IELTS test this month so I would really appreciate if someone can correct my essay and give detailed feedback. Thanks a lot and hope you guys have a good day

Some people think that music plays an important role in society. Others think it is simply a form of entertainment. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

People have different views about whether music is only a way of entertainment or it also plays a crucial part in humanity. In this essay, both these ideas will be examined before my perspective, which supports the former side of argument, is given.

On the one hand, the main function of music is to provide us a relaxed and harmonious atmosphere. Firstly, music is capable of changing our mood, which can alter our feelings. As a result, several use music to reduce stress in study or at work, or a turn of phrase, music can refresh your mind. Secondly, music is said to be in a limelight due to its ability to bring about energy. It is a fact that numerous people, find it more satisfied and enjoyable to work while listening to their favorite piece of music, therefore, the productivity will properly be enhanced.

On the other hand, I strongly believe that besides the entertaining, we should also emphasize the integral part of music other fields in life. Music has a paramount importance in health and medical area. Many doctors and psychologists use music as a therapy to treat their patients who suffer from mental problems such as depression or autism. Furthermore, there are numbers of evidences prove that some special types of music can improve our intelligence, which one is called the Mozart effects.

Likewise, music makes an invaluable contribution to national culture and tradition. It is indisputable that though pop music seems to dominate the entertainment market nowadays, it can never replace folk and traditional music. Those types of music not only tell stories and deliver life lessons but they can also raise awareness to young generation. Moreover, some songs such as national anthem can evoke the compatriotism and the national pride, so it cannot be consider as a form of relaxation only.

In conclusion, despite its amusing function, we should consider the importance of music in different areas in life. From my viewpoint, music, as long as a form of language, can also have more precious meanings.