IELTS task 2: University or Working after high school? Please help me correct and give some comments on my essay.

Some people believe that studying at university or college is the best route to a successful career, while others believe that it is better to get a job straight after school. Discuss both views

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Upon graduating from high school, the young often have to face with the dilemma of entering the workforce directly or pursuing higher education. Some people would emphasize the need for the university degrees because they believe it is the best route to career fulfillment whereas others would argue that working straight after high school is a better choice.

On the one hand, working after graduating from school benefits the young to a certain extent. In terms of finance, people working are able to make ends meet and bear the cost of living independently. Not only can they afford their basic necessity of life but they also have a tendency to be more mature. There is ample evidence to suggest that some successful entrepreneurs around the world are the ones who are exposed to working environment soon. On a professional level, people who choose to work instead of keeping on studying further are likely to progress rapidly in their careers. It is reasonable because when joining numerous practical projects, they can obtains a lot of experiences and hands-on skills in their particular professions.

On the other hand, studying at university or college is considered to be the best choice to guarantee a career with high promotion prospect for a variety of reasons. First, university education can arm the young with the higher-level qualifications, which can enable them to meet the demanding requirements of the employers. Furthermore, the job market is getting more and more stiff and it strictly requires the applicants to get the outstanding profiles to chase the top jobs. As a result, having a bachelor or engineer degree is such an obvious advantage that every people are well-advised to continue their higher education after high school. For instance, In Vietnam, engineers or architects often receive a dreaming well-paid salaries if they are graduated from some reputed universities.

In conclusion, it seems evident that both working right after school and choosing to continue higher-level studies each have their own unique merits.