Please comment on my IELTS task 2 essay.
The question: " The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
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I feel that this essay's ideas are not fully developed and some sentences seem forced, yet I haven't found a way to fix it, so other than correcting my grammar and vocabulary, it'd be great if you could also help me with ideas development. My essay is below:
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It is argued that in order to reduce traffic jam, the optimal way is for public transport to be totally free of charge, day and night. This essay disagrees with this statement because congestions do not happen in every hour and the main underlying reason why people refuse to use public transport is more than its cost.
Firstly, it is axiomatic that, in most cities in the world, traffic jams do not happen all day; the term “Rush hours” does not just appear out of thin air. It might be defined differently around the globe, but mainly as two different time frames - when people get to work and back. Since the majority of traffic loads focus on particular portions of the day, it is unnecessary to provide free transportation service during the off-peak time, as it will put a huge pressure on the government’s budgets.
Secondly, cost is not the primary reason why people are hesitant to use public vehicles. People would not simply just give up the convenience, hygiene level and private space in a car for a public bus, just because it's cheaper. As a result, people who used to get to work by cars see no reasons to stop and people who commute by public transport now have one more reason to continue their habit. If this becomes a reality, a big portion of public income will be lost.
In conclusion, while the idea of public transportation fares being completely covered by the government is sound, it should not be exercised because it will become a huge burden for public budget and people not using public transport is not entirely decided by its cost."
" The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week. To what extent do you agree or disagree? ) in order to reduce traffic jam , the optimal way is for public transport to be totally free of charge, day and night.
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" The best way for governments to solve the problem of traffic congestion is providing free public transport in 24 hours per day, and seven days a week.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?"
It is argued that (A passive dummy-it clause is a very poor way to start an essay.) in order to reduce traffic jam,