Ielts task 2. I would be very grateful if you could give me thorough comments for my future improvement

Task 2: Whether or not someone achieves their aims is mostly by a question of luck. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Answer:

To achieve dreams, there are supposed to be a lot of factors in which luck is agreed by many people to play the most important role. From my viewpoint, this belief is totally unreasonable.

Throughout the length of history, it has been proved that perserverance, not luck, makes the main contribution to success. Take Nick Vujicic- an influential Australian speaker for example. Although bad luck challenged him with a rare disorder, which resulted in the absence of four limbs, with continous effort, he has been able to achieve double degrees as well as a happy family and numerous motivational speeches delivered himself around the world. Steve Jobs should be another exemplary one to learn. As far as his life is concerned, people are often reminded of constant attempts and dedication. Thanks to his endless working days, we could now take enormous advantage of such innovative technologies like Ipod, Ipad, Iphone,…

Furthermore, luck is only a subtle part of success. Firstly, only losers put all their lives down to luck. Unfortunately, due to laziness, not few students live that way. Before exams, they choose to learn only 10-20% of the lessons and spend the remained time praying. They may be lucky once or twice, however, it should be rare. Secondly, success caused by luck is only short-term. Winning a lottery is a typical instance. The winner definitely makes that fortune by luck as he does have tried his best at nothing. Nevertheless, the money might get lost as easily as the way it is gained whereas the winner could not win all the time.

In conclusion, although luck actually appears somewhere in one’s success, it is only minor. So as to turn dreams into reality, it is crucial to be hardworking and persisted in the way first chosen.

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