Ielts task 2 (Hope someone check my essay)

Countries are becoming more and more similar because people are able to buy the same products anywhere in the world.

Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It is said that nations are becoming similar to each other because of the global spread of the same products, which are now available to purchase almost everywhere. While someone may think it brings negative impacts on our society, I still hold the belief that the advantages of this evolution outweigh its demerits.

To begin with, this world is getting closer and has become a global village. The foremost benefit of globalization is that some international brands such as Nike, Apple, Toyota etc. create thousands of jobs opportunities for locals. For example, Nike is one of the most reputable businesses and sets up thousands of factories and stores globally. This does not only offer various kinds of jobs to dwellers but also contributes to strengthening the economy of those countries, especially in the developing world. As a result, the developing nations would progress faster than before due to the fact that the number of globalized companies is increased.

In addition, this tendency makes people purchase high-end technology gadgets easily, and also shrinks the gap among different countries. To illustrate, in the past, only some specific developed industrialised access to these advanced technologies like iPhone or Ipad, which are made by an American brand, is considered as the highest quality appliances. But today, thanks for the globalization, almost everyone has the ability to get these products. As a consequence, more people use similar products, the barriers existing in countries would be smaller than before.

However, there are those who argue that if more and more people buying globally similar product could cause we lose a piece of culture. One example is that there are fewer traditional clothing stores in some cities in Taiwan because people prefer to shop online or wear branded clothes like ZARA or GAP.

All in all, it can be seen that purchasing same products has a drawback but we should not overlook the upsides; thus, I believe the idea that gives rise to our society.

Thank you very much!

Questions:

1. Sometimes I feel confused about when I should add 'the' before nouns.

2. I seem to make a mistake about a comma, how can I figure out this problem?

(I have no idea why Grammarly told me I can't put the comma there)