IELTS TASK 2- Could someone please help me to check my two essays?

I have two thought and do not know to choose which one.

Could someone please help me to check my two essays? I have two thought and do not know to choose which one.

Without being checked, my writing skills will not be improved!

I do not know whether I am out of topic and I wonder about many things like: structures, grammars, and vocabulary. Therefore, if possible Could someone help me and give me some comments?

To achieve at least 6.5 score what should I do, could you give me some advice especially for those studying themselves.

Thank you so much!

TOPIC: Organized tour to remote community and other countries is increasingly popular. Is it a positive or negative development for the local people and environment?

The first essay.

It is true that there is the ever-increasing popularity of organized tour to distant areas. To my perspective, this trend has adverse impacts on both local citizens and environment.

In terms of environment, the development of this mode of tourism might result in environmental degradation. There are unconscious tourists who must have been held accountable for throwing litter or spitting on the streets, and this will pollute the surrounding environment. Furthermore, the growth of trips correlates with more used vehicles in local areas, resulting in an increase in the amount of carbon dioxide emissions into the environment. This will cause air pollution and other serious environmental problems, which there are now many areas being trouble for finding solutions to tackle.

Regarding the locals, there are two major reasons why the growth of package tour detrimentally influenced on local people. One reason is that it may have a negative impact on the culture and indigenous practices. For example, when incoming tourists go on holidays in these areas, they wear unsuitable clothes, attracting the attention of local young people who copy provocative fashions. Another reason is that different projects for building destination resorts to meet requirements may give rise to enormous disturbance for residents’ life. Rowdy noises and dust, for instance, from transportation may have an undesirable influence on people health, causing some relevant diseases such as respiratory problems or broken sleep, especially in the old and the young.

In conclusion, the development of package tour to distant regions brings a wider range of adverse outcomes on both local people and environmental quality.

( 260 words)

The second essay:

It is true that there is the ever-increasing popularity of organized tour to distant areas. To my perspective, this phenomenon has both beneficial and adverse impacts on local residents and environmental quality.

On the one hand, the growth of package tour to remote community has a profound effect of local people life. Firstly, the development of this mode of tourism may promote local economy. For instance, there will be a massive number of tourists to those regions, and this will give citizens a chance to raise their income through selling homemade products. Secondly, the living standard of local people will be ameliorated due to having more investments in infrastructure to cater for growing demands. Entertainment facilities are established and improved. This brings more joy and makes lives less difficult in remote areas.

On the other hand, this trend in any form has detrimental effects on the development of local people and environment. One argument is that the growth of trips may give rise to environmental degradation. Some unconscious tourists who must have been held accountable for their actions like throwing litter or spitting on the streets, and this may cause the pollution of surrounding environment. In addition, the culture and indigenous practices may be greatly impacted by the increment of tourist arrivals. When tourists go on holidays in remote community, the may wear unsuitable clothes for local people, attracting the attention of local young people who copy provocative fashions. If citizens are significantly intrigued by exotic way, regional richness or some customs may be changed or disappeared in the future.

In conclusion, there is some certain beneficial benefits can be seen as a result of trips to distant regions, however, this phenomenon also brings many adverse outcomes on local people and environment.

(292 words)