Ielts task 2

Question

Please help me to check this essay, thanks you very much

Some people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

In the contemporary, the rate of crime increases each year dues to the government must build more prisons to detaining the criminal. Some people agree that offender must to be detaining in the prison while others argue that it is consisted some better options. In my opinion, I agree with the first statement but the prison also has some solutions for the rehabilitation of criminal instead of only detaining.

For overall, it can be recognized that the character, temperament and the awareness of each people is really hard to change in a short period. For instance, the criminals can return to the crime although they had understood the wrong of their action before that. Therefore the prison is essential for detaining the criminals and prison can also help them to re-educate. In other side, if there is not consisted the prison, it will be very difficult to control the criminal and this is really dangerous for the community. More virtually, it is very dangerous if the homicide or the drug trafficker are not put into prison because they can continuous their crime in society.

Although putting the lawbreakers into the prison is a suitable way to keep the protection of societies but the detaining may not be effective if the prison only responds for the security and control rather than for the rehabilitation and education. For example, the population of the UK’s prison is fuelled by a high level of recidivism when the criminals repeatedly relapse into crime because the these prisons at this time only adapt to detain the criminal. Because most of criminals are poorly educated after the jail term they still do not have the skill or and knowledge for job so the unemployment and the discrimination of the community make them return in to crime. Therefore the prison need to adapt some criteria for the rehabilitation and re-education to help the criminal transform to be a honest people in the societies after the jail term.

In conclusion, the putting the lawbreakers into prison is outweigh the statement of other alternatives. However the prison need to have some programs for the re-education for the criminals.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

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https://www.englishforums.com/English/EssayReportCompositionWriting/Forum9.htm

Long Truong B?oPlease help me to check this essay, thanks you very much

Please help me (1) to check this essay, (2) thanks (3) you very much (4)

There are four mistakes here.

1. Your request is incorrect. Consider these three sentences.

1) Please help me to carry my bags ( You carry the bags, but I assist you. )
 2) Please carry my bags. (I carry the bags for you. )
 3) Please help me by carrying my bags. (If I carry your bags, it will be good for you.)

1) Please help me to check my essay. (You check your essay, but I assist. The web site does not allow this.)
2) Please check my essay. ( I check your essay and give you feedback. )
3) Please help me by checking my essay. (I check your essay and give you feedback.  That will help you.)

2. This is a comma splice error. The entire sentence is ungrammatical.

3) "thanks" is the wrong form. You need the base form of the verb.

4) You need ending punctuation.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

Long Truong B?oSome people think all lawbreakers should be put into prison, while others believe that there are better alternatives. Discuss both view and give your opinion.

Please copy the topic correctly.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

You wrote over 360 words. The minimum is 250. You will not lose points for writing more; however, longer essays generally do not get high scores. There are many reasons.

First, the longer the essay, the more chances you have to make errors, and you will lose points for these errors.

Second, your writing may be repetitious and wordy. This will cost you points.

Third, you will likely stray off-topic, and examiners will deduct points if you are not focused on the topic. You will also be tempted to use weak or unsound arguments or even contradict yourself.

Fourth, you will take a lot of time writing, and not have time left over to proofread your essay. You will miss the silly mistakes, and that lowers your score.

Fifth, you will not have enough time to spend on Task 1, and get a lower score there.

Aim to write 270-290 words for Task 2. Practice writing a lot of essays so you get a feeling for the length.

Also, you need to study articles - "the, a, and an" - and plural nouns. You often use them incorrectly, so your English is quite poor.

In the contemporary, (Contemporary is an adjective. You cannot use it like a noun.) the rate of crime increases each year dues (Wrong word. Dues is the fee a member pays each year to belong to a club or organization.) to the government must build (ungrammatical) more prisons to detaining the criminal. Some people agree that offender (Wrong form. ) must to be detaining (Wrong verb form. ) in the prison while others argue that it is consisted (Wrong form. ) some better options. ~~In my opinion,~~ I agree with the first statement (Unclear. Which side are you taking?) but the prison ("The prison" means one particular prison. Which one are you talking about?) also has some solutions for the rehabilitation of criminal (Wrong form. ) instead of only detaining. (You need an object for this verb. )

~~For~~ overall, it can be recognized that the character, temperament and the awareness of each people (Wrong word. ) is really hard to change in a short period. For instance, the criminals can return to the crime although they had understood the wrong of their action before that. Therefore the prison ("The prison" means one particular prison. Which one are you talking about?) is essential for detaining the criminals and prison can also help them to re-educate. (Wrong word. ) In (Wrong word. ) other side, if there is not consisted (Wrong phrase. I do not understand. ) the prison, it will be very difficult to control the criminal and this is really dangerous for the community. More virtually, it is very dangerous (repetitious) if the homicide (Wrong word. ) or the drug trafficker are not put into prison because they can continuous (Wrong word. ) their crime in society.

Although putting the lawbreakers into the prison is a suitable way to protect ~~keep the protection of~~ societies but the detaining (Wrong phrase. ) may not be effective if the prison only responds (Wrong word. ) for the security and control rather than for the rehabilitation and education. For example, the population of the UK’s prison (There is more than one prison in the UK.) is fuelled (Wrong word. ) by a high level of recidivism when the criminals repeatedly relapse into crime because the these prisons at this time only adapt (Wrong word. ) to detain the criminal. Because most of criminals (Wrong phrase. ) are poorly educated (Run-on sentence. ) after the jail term they still do not have the skill or and knowledge for job so ~~the~~ unemployment and the discrimination of the community make them return in to crime. Therefore the prison need (Wrong form. ) to adapt (Wrong word. ) some criteria for the rehabilitation and re-education to help the criminal transform to be a honest people (Wrong use of articles. ) in the societies after the jail term.

In conclusion, the putting the lawbreakers into prison is outweigh (Wrong word. ) the statement (Wrong word. ) of other alternatives. However the prison need to have some programs for the re-education ~~for~~ of the criminals.

Ielts task 2

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