Ielts task 2...

Question

Please check this essay and thanks a lot.

Some peolpe think that subjects taught at school are a waste of money. However, on the other hand, quite a few people believe that this kind of education is useful for student. To what extent do you agree?

Taught subjects at educational establishments are somewhat controversial issue. There are those who sincerely believe that students should learn the commonly taught subject namely maths and biology and other subjects however others think otherwise. I wholeheartedly believe with the former.

From an overall perspective, there are two cogent reason why I believe that maths and biology subjects are beneficial to pupils. Perhaps the logically compelling reason in particular favour of this conventional notion is that mathematics can help student to pass the university entrance exams held by world-class universities easily. Unlike in the distant past, in the current climate, mathemathics is vitally important to mastering robotics and other natural sciences, for a prime example, aerospace engineering. This is because reseachers have to calcute carefully to make and lauch rockets and other man-made lunar probes. Futhermore, biology is equally essential taught subject because human beings need it for human survival. This is critically important because the Earth faces constant threats from space. For a typical instance, students are taught how many weeks a body can survive without foods. As a result, student could well prepared if a comet hit the Earth and generate a high tsunami.

A futher point in great favour of taught subjects is that students at primary school will likely to be able to produce logics with these taught subjects. For instance, later in life, they will likely be able to discuss a thorny issue at length. This is because sciences greatly help students to become a well-rounded person.

In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea that taught subjects are useful for pupils nowadays and, later in life, when these young person become adults, in the future.

Please check my essay and many thanks and happy new year 2019

Poster · Accepted Answer

Some peolpe think that the subjects taught at school are a waste of money [and time? 13 years seemed a lifetime. ]. However, on the other hand, quite a few people believe that this kind of education is useful for student [Either you need an article with a singular countable noun or make it plural without to generalize. ]. To what extent do you agree?

Comment: it is quite strange that the question does not specify primary or secondary education. This question needs to be addressed in the essay.

The general rule of thumb in English, is that countable nouns need an article or some other determiner in the singular, except in set phrases such as 'at school'. The other approach is to realize that 'a/an' originally meant 'one'; this still occurs in phrases such as 'a hundred'. 'The' originally meant 'that'. 'Please give me the book' implies there is only one in sight. 'Please give me a book' implies there is more than one.

Taught subjects [The syllabus/curriculum] at educational establishments [This would include universities, military training camps, and adult education courses, not just schools for children as implied by 'at school'. ] are [a] somewhat controversial issue. There are those who sincerely believe that students should learn the commonly taught subject [singular vs plural: normal school subjects, normal school curriculum] namely maths [mathematics] and biology and other subjects however others think otherwise. I wholeheartedly believe with the former. ['However' is an adverb not a conjunction like 'but' , so needs either to start a new sentence, or be preceded by a (semi) colon. 'The former': no, I am already lost as to which view this means. ]

From an overall perspective, there are two cogent reason [! singular? ] why I believe that maths [! in full please] and biology subjects are beneficial to pupils. Perhaps the logically compelling reason in ~~particular~~ favour of this conventional notion is that mathematics can help student [singular vs plural vs article] to pass the university entrance exams held by world-class universities easily. Unlike in the distant past, in the current climate, mathemathics [spelling] is vitally important to mastering robotics and other natural sciences, for a prime example, aerospace engineering. This is because reseachers have to calcute carefully to make and lauch rockets and other man-made lunar probes. Futhermore, biology is equally essential taught subject [essential part of the curriculum] because human beings need it for human survival. This is critically important because the Earth faces constant threats from space. For a ~~typical~~ instance, students are taught how many weeks a body can survive without foods [usually uncountable]. As a result, student [ must have an article or be plural] could well be prepared if a comet hit the Earth and generate [tense !] a high tsunami. [Frankly, you would be better prepared with some practical survival training, not book lore]

Lots of spelling errors: this will drop your score.

"Taught subjects/courses/papers" is a phrase from university prospectuses, in contrast to research papers and diplomas. For schools, use curriculum.

"In favor of" is a set phrase; do not add in adjectives.

A futher point in ~~great~~ favour of taught subjects is that students at primary school will likely to be able to produce logics with these taught subjects. For instance, later in life, they will likely be able to discuss a thorny issue at length. This is because sciences greatly help students to become a well-rounded person. [Be consistent in using singular vs plural when generalizing:

students ... people;

a student ... a well - rounded person.

Traditionally, the humanities were thought of as promoting a well-rounded personality.]

In conclusion, I totally agree with the idea that taught subjects are useful for pupils nowadays and, later in life, when these young person become adults, in the future.

[Comment: it seems to me that the content does not adequately deal with or address the question. At primary school basic reading, writing, arithmetical, and physical and social skills are developed, which are useful throughout life in practically any situation. At secondary school, a range of courses is offered, and one of the key goals is for students to sample various topics and determine which ones interest them, and which they wish to pursue. In some countries, such as Germany, there are technical schools where teenagers are offered more practical and vocationally oriented courses. In other countries, secondary schooling is more standardized and more focused on university entrance exams, but many teenagers do not in fact end up attending a university. In some countries there is a war on, and academic education is irrelevant to survival. You have rightly picked up on the idea that traditional subjects are not per se relevant to future needs. However the major threats today are ecological, and environmental, and are already in process, so this part of your essay could be expanded and developed. Also, you might have discussed which subjects would be more useful, for example, nutrition vs foreign languages, sport vs music, and so on. ]

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