Ielts task 2

I want to take the ielts test in september, my want to get 7.5 in Ielts but my writing skill is not good. Please help me correct the task I write below to make he get better. Thank you so much title: Vietnam has been witnessing an imbalanced labor distribution: more and more people have been moving to urban areas for work while rural areas have been increasingly abandoned. How can this problem be solved? Give your opinion and support it with reasons and examples taken from your reading, experience, or observations.

There is a conspicuous trend of the increased number of people settling in urban regions in Vietnam. This is a widespread worry as this will lead to a myriad of concerns in the society such as overcapacity or pollution. Therefore, this issue is too dire to ignore and should be addressed through different approaches.

First of all, many people move to a more developed area primarily due to the vast supply of jobs in the market. This will intensively impact the skilled labor supply in regional places, as well as the development of these places. To tackle this issue, the government should encourage citizens to settle in rural places through offering incentives such as tax deductions, subsidies and cash injections into the market to create artificial demand. A similar problem was tackled by the Australian government recently, as they attracted thousands of workers to live and work in regional Australia by supporting businesses and residents through economic means.

One of the main reasons why they choose to work in developed is cites because of the public services. Some people decide to move aboard based on the services offered either in their home country or in a different country. The city to which they are immigrating to will most likely to offer better services, and therefore it will be much cleaner and healthier to live in. For example, citizens in urban areas find easier access to treatments or precautions to the disease because they are very well-equipped in the healthcare industry.

In conclusion, Vietnam should showcase improvements in this imbalanced labor distribution with an attempt to create a better living conditions for the citizens.

I hope that I can improve my writing skill according to your help. Thank you