IELTS Task 1 Wrting

Question

WRITE DESCRIPTION HEREA glance at the graph provided reveals changes in the proportion of live music show attenders in different age groups in a city during the period from 2010 to 2015.It is evident that while there was a steady rise in the percentage of the youngest group, the other ones saw some fluctuations over the years.In 2010, approximately 40 percent of people aged 16 to 24 attended music concerts. The following one year experienced a moderate growth in this percentage to somewhere in the vicinity of 55 percent. This was followed by a period of exponential climb with the percentage of people in this group reaching a peak of over 60 percent in 2015.Turning to the other groups, the 25-44 and 45-54 age groups' attendance at music concerts declined by about 10 percent from highs of over 40 percent and 50 percent; however, the figures for the two remaining groups achieved a gradual increase to 30 percent for the 55-64 age group and 20 percent for the eldest group. In 2015, there was a substantial fall in the percentage of people aged 55-64 to somewhere between 22 and 23 percent, whereas, the number of audiences in the three other age groups increase compared to 2010 despite small drops in the proportion of those in the 25-43 and 75+ age group. The figures for the 25 - 44, 45 - 54 and above 75 age groups ended around 49 percent, 52 percent and 21 percent respectively

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

~~A glance at the graph provided~~ (The essay examiner requires that you study the graph carefully, not just glance at it. This is very bad.)

reveals (poor word choice ) changes (not accurate.) in the proportion of live music show attenders (not a valid word) in different age groups in a city during the period from 2010 to 2015.

(Your first paragraph is incomplete. What are the age groups? How many are there?)

~~It is evident that while~~ (That conveys no information. Delete it) there was a steady rise in the percentage of the youngest group, the other ones saw (wrong word choice ) some fluctuations (poor word choice ) over the years.

Read my advice for Task 1 essays. You have made most of the common mistakes, such as "fluctuation", "peak" and "figure". The figure is the entire graph. There are no fluctuations on this graph. There are variations or changes.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

In 2010, approximately 40 percent of people aged 16 to 24 attended music concerts. The following one year experienced (wrong word. Years do not have experiences. People have experiences.. e.g. A higher percentage of people in this age group experienced a concert. ) a moderate growth in this percentage to somewhere in the vicinity of (Do not use this expression. It is not good for a mathematical context. 55 percent. This was followed by a period of exponential (wrong word. THe growth is linear, not exponential.) climb with the percentage of people in this group reaching a peak (Wrong word. There is only one peak on this graph, and that is for the 75+ age group in 2011.) of over 60 percent in 2015.

~~Turning to the other groups,~~ (Read my advice) the attendance of the 25-44 and 45-54 age groups' attendance at music concerts declined by about 10 percent from highs of over 40 percent and 50 percent; however, the figures (wrong word) for the two remaining groups achieved a gradual increase to 30 percent for the 55-64 age group and 20 percent for the ~~eldest~~ oldest group. In 2015, there was a substantial fall in the percentage of people aged 55-64 to ~~somewhere~~ between 22 and 23 percent, whereas, the number (wrong word) of audiences (wrong word) in the three other age groups increase (wrong form) compared to 2010 despite small drops in the proportion of those in the 25-43 and 75+ age group. The figures (wrong word) for the 25 - 44, 45 - 54 and above 75 age groups ended around 49 percent, 52 percent and 21 percent respectively (Missing punctuation)

Model essay: (~170 words)

The line graph compares the relative attendance of music concerts by people in five different age groups between 2010 and 2015. The groups are: young adults, aged 16-24, three middle aged adult groups, 25-44, 45-54 and 55-64, and people over 75. There is no data for people aged 65-74.

Overall, the percentages of three of the groups went up. Only one group, 55-64, declined slightly and another, 45-54 ended at about the same level as it started.

In detail, in 2010 only one group, 45-54, had more than half of their members attending these events. Except for the first year, the youngest group had the highest attendance, growing from 40% in 2010 to 70% in 2015. The 45-54 group was in second place from 2011 through 2015; about half of their members went to concerts in all years except for 2011 when it dipped to 40%, The oldest group was always the lowest; their highest proportions came in 2011 and 2015, with one in five.

IELTS Task 1 Wrting

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