IELTS TASK 1 ( TABLE)

Question

Hi, please review this essay for me.

The table gives the statistic about the cost of a cup of coffee in six cities from 2010 to 2014 in Australia.

Overall, the price of a cup of coffee in all six cities in Australia witnessed an upward trend from 2010 to 2014 and that of Melbourne rose the most sharply. Moreover, Sydney people paid the highest cost for a cup of coffee in 2010 and 2014.

Regarding 2010, it is subtantial that Sydney was recorded with the highest price for a cup of coffee, $2.9, roughly twice as much as the figure for Canberra, $1.5, the lowest. Furthermore, the amount of money paid for a cup of coffee in Melbourne ranked second, $2.4, $ 0.15 higher than that of Brisbane. Lastly, Perth and Adelaide ranked fourth and fifth, with the former at $ 2.1 and the later at $ 1.87.

With regard to 2014, Melbourne contributed the highest proportion in change, 20.8 percent, escalating to $ 2.9 in 2014. With the rise of 13.2 % of the price, Sydney’s price remained first in 2014, $ 3.17. In addition, the changes in price of a cup of coffee in Perth and Adelaide were about 7 percent. Interestingly, the number in Brisbane was stable at $ 2.25.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Oh dear me!!!

It is not a good task. The Task 2 essay instructions that I can see are also quite terrible.

We NEVER write prices like $1.7 or $2.9.

We always write two decimal places. e.g. $1.70 or $2.90.

Besides that, some of the values (percentage changes) in column 4 are incorrect! Also, the format is inconsistent.

This source for essays is very bad. If you learn from bad examples, you will never get a good score.

AlpheccaStars · Answer

I will give you some feedback on vocabulary, grammar, etc. I will use the corrected data.

Your essay is overly wordy, repetitive and verbose.

That is because this task 1 practice essay is so awful. There is not enough information to write about, so you have to write lots of phrases over and over to get 150 words.

Do NOT use these terrible, horrible practice exams. Use a reputable web site for your practice essays.

Next, there are vocabulary words used for continuous (line graph) data compared to point data, such as in charts and tables. Do not confuse them.

You are not making good word choices. Read my advice for Task 1 essays.

IELTS TASK 1: Hints, Tips And Advice

Vocabulary Words For Task 1: Reference Post

Task 1 is for math and science lecturers in a university. They require a "mathematical" style of writing. The words must be accurate, precise and objective, not the kinds of words that are in newspaper reports, which try to grab the readers' attention.
In particular, synonyms seldom have the same meaning. They are not exact and precise. If you use synonyms, be very careful. You can easily lose points for cohesion and coherence.

In summary, avoid synonym use in Task 1. Use lots of synonyms in Task 2.

The table gives (not a very good word choice) the statistic (wrong word) about the cost of a cup of coffee in six cities (You have to put "in Australia" after "cities") from 2010 to 2014 ~~in Australia.~~

Overall, the price (If you write "cost" and then "price" you lose coherence and cohesion. Many students try to use synonyms in Task 1. That is not a good idea.!) of a cup of coffee in all six cities in Australia witnessed (wrong word. People can witness things. Inanimate objects or concepts like numbers cannot witness.) an upward trend (wrong word. You can see trends on line graphs.) from 2010 to 2014 and that of Melbourne (awkward phrase) rose the most ~~sharply~~. (You only have two data points. You cannot see the shape of the curve.) Moreover, Sydney people paid the highest cost ( you lose more coherence and cohesion points.) for a cup of coffee (repetitive) in 2010 and 2014.

Regarding 2010, it is subtantial (wrong spelling, and not a good word choice. Delete this "dummy-it clause anyway. ) that Sydney was recorded with (wrong phrase.) the highest price for a cup of coffee, lt;span style="background-color:#ffff00;">2.9, roughly twice as much as the figure (wrong word.) for Canberra, $1.5, the lowest. Furthermore, the amount ~~of money~~ paid ~~for a cup of coffee~~ (wordy.) in Melbourne ranked second, lt;span style="background-color:#ffff00;">2.4, $ 0.15 higher than that of Brisbane. Lastly, Perth and Adelaide ranked fourth and fifth, with the former at $ 2.1 and the later (wrong word. Besides, do not use "former / latter" in Task 1. They destroy the cohesion and coherence.) at $ 1.87.

With regard to 2014, Melbourne contributed (wrong word. There are no "contributions" in the table.) ) the highest percentage ~~proportion in~~ change, 20.8 percent, escalating (poor unnatural word choice.) to lt;span style="background-color:#ffff00;"> 2.9 in 2014. With the rise of 13.2 % ~~of the price~~, Sydney’s price remained first in 2014, $ 3.17. In addition, the changes in price of a cup of coffee (repetitive, verbose.) in Perth and Adelaide were about 7 percent. ~~Interestingly~~, (Do not add personal commentary in Task 1. Just report the information.). the number (wrong word.) in Brisbane was stable at $ 2.25.

IELTS TASK 1 ( TABLE)

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