IELTS task 1. Please check my grammar please! Thank you!

Question

The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each categories of exports in 2016 compared with 2015.------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------My essay:The bar graph compares the amount of export money earned by five categories: Petroleum goods, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural products, and textiles between 2015 and 2016. Also, the table gives the changes in value of these areas. Overall, only gems and jewellery decreased in both its value and percentage change from 2015 to 2016. Furthermore, while the money earned by petroleum products was the highest, that by textiles was in the opposite. In 2015, the value of petroleum stuffs was the highest, at over 60$ billion, followed by engineered goods (nearly 58 $ billion), gems and jewellery (around 44$ billion), agricultural products (31$ billion), and textiles (25$ billion approximately). In 2016, the export money of textiles increased steadily to be the same as that of argicultural exports, at about 31$ billion. The percentage change in values is parrallel with the export earnings. The difference in textiles was significant, at 15.24%, and 6.74% more than in engineered products. The petroleum products went up 3% in 2016, and 0.81% was the increase in the value of agricultural one. In contrast, there was a decrease in the percentage of gems and jewellery, at 5.18%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

Hà Tr?n 8023The chart below shows the value of one country's exports in various categories during 2015 and 2016. The table shows the percentage change in each categories of exports in 2016 compared with 2015

Can you find the grammatical error in the topic?

AlpheccaStars · Answer

The bar graph compares the amount of export money earned by five categories: (There are many, many problems with this text. "Export money" is quite bad. The categories do not earn money, so "by five categories" is poor English. ) Petroleum goods, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural products, and textiles between 2015 and 2016. Also, the table gives the changes in the two values in percentage. ~~of these areas~~.

Here are four example opening paragraphs:

1. 44 words

The bar graph plots the export value of five types of goods for one country in 2015 and 2016. The table lists the year-over-year percentage differences for each type: petroleum goods, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural products, and textiles.

2. 46 words

The bar graph compares the amounts of money earned from exporting goods by one country in 2015 and 2016. The table lists the year-over-year percentage differences. The amounts are categorized into five areas: petroleum goods, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural products, and textiles.

3. 55 words

The table and bar graph together give information about the money received by one country for exporting various goods in 2015 and 2016. The bar graph plots the value of exports in petroleum goods, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural products, and textiles, and the table lists the percentage difference in each of these categories.

4. 54 words

The export values of five different types of products (petroleum goods, engineered goods, gems and jewellery, agricultural products, and textiles) are given on the bar chart for two different years, 2015 and 2016. Although the percentage increase or decrease can be calculated from the bar graph, they are listed explicitly in the accompanying table.

Overall, only gems and jewellery decreased in both its value and percentage ~~change~~ from 2015 to 2016. Furthermore, while the money received ~~earned by~~ for the petroleum products was the highest, that by of textiles was the least. ~~in the opposite~~.

In 2015, the value of petroleum stuffs (wrong word) was the highest, at over 60lt;/span> (The currency sign comes before the amount) billion, followed by engineered goods (nearly 58 lt;/span> billion), gems and jewellery (around 44lt;/span> billion), agricultural products (31lt;/span> billion), and textiles (25$ billion approximately). In 2016, the export ~~money~~ value of textiles increased ~~steadily~~ (For adverbs like "steadily", you need many time points.) to be the same as that of argicultural exports, at about 31lt;/span> billion.

The percentage change in values is parrallel with the export earnings. (Of course they are. The values in the table are calculated from those in the bar chart!) The difference in textiles was significant, at 15.24%, and 6.74% more than in engineered products. The petroleum products went up 3% in 2016, and 0.81% was the increase in the value of agricultural products ~~one~~. In contrast, there was a decrease in ~~the percentage o~~f gems and jewellery, at 5.18%.

IELTS task 1. Please check my grammar please! Thank you!

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