IELTS task 1. Please check my grammar please!

Question

The graph and table below show the average monthly temperature and the average number of hours of sunshine per year in three major cities.---------------------------------------------------------------My essay:The line graph compares the average temperatures in a year of three cities: London, New York, and Sydney, measured in degree. Furthermore, the table gives the total number of annual sunshine hours in these places. Overall, there is a significant gap between the monthly temperature of Sydney with other cities. However, the total hours of sunshine in New York are higher than in Sydney and London.In the line graph, Sydney ranked first when having the highest temperature in January, at 25, which is followed by London (around 7), and New York (4 approximately). However, despite reaching their peaks at 30 and nearly 23 respectively in July, the rankings of New York and London in December remained the same, which are at 5 and 10 in order. The temperature of Sydney increased again to 25 after dropping to the bottom at approximate 16 in July.In the table, London has the fewest number of sunshine hours, at 1180, which created a huge difference with the second-ranking, Sydney, at 2473. There are 62 more hours in New York than in Sydney, at 2535.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The line graph compares the average temperatures in a year (That is incorrect. The average temperature in a year is one number for each city. ) of three cities: London, New York, and Sydney, measured in degree. (There are two problems with this one word. First, it is the wrong word. Degree means "extent." Second there are various scales: there is Kelvin, Centigrade (Celsius) and Fahrenheit. You need to specify the units completely.) ~~Furthermore~~, Also, the table gives the total number of annual sunshine hours in these places.

Overall, there is a significant gap between the monthly temperature of Sydney (That is not true. For the monthly temperatures in September and May, there is little or no gap at all. You need to be very very careful to write correct information.) with other cities. However, the total hours of sunshine in New York are higher than in Sydney and London.

~~In the line graph,~~ (When you write about temperatures, the reader knows you are referring to the graph, not the table. The table does not contain temperatures This phrase is redundant.) Sydney has ~~ranked first when~~ ~~having~~ the highest temperature in January, at 25, (What are the units here?) which is followed by London (around 7), and New York (4 approximately). However, despite reaching their peaks at 30 and nearly 23 respectively in July, the rankings (Rankings in temperature does not make any sense. Rankings are used for things like income, industrial production or sales, not naturally occuring values like temperatures. ) of New York and London in December remained the same, which are at 5 and 10 in order. The temperature of Sydney increased again to 25 after dropping to ~~the bottom~~ its lowest point at approximate (Wrong form) 16 in July.

~~In the table,~~ London has the fewest number of sunshine hours, at 1180, which ~~created a huge~~ (wrong expression. Sunshine does not create anything) was significantly different compared to ~~difference with the second-ranking,~~ Sydney, at 2473. There are 62 more hours in New York than in Sydney, at 2535.

Here is an example for paragraphs 2 and 3. You can learn some good vocabulary words to compare curves..

Overall, the temperature curves for London and New York are correlated positively with each other, but New York has a greater range of extremes. In contrast, they are negatively correlated with that of Sydney. Of all three cities, Sydney has the smallest difference between the minimum and maximum monthly averages, a range of about 11°C. New York has the greatest.

In detail, London and New York have their highest temperatures in July, with London being 7 °C cooler at around 22 °C. The lowest are recorded in December and January, but at this time, New York, not London, is colder, by 5°C at 5 °C. All three cities have similar temperatures in late spring and early fall, a comfortable 18-22° C. London, with the least amount sunshine (1180 hours) has a much more moderate climate than New York, with more than double that value at 2525. Sydney gets a little less sunshine than New York, 2473 hours and has a temperature range between 15 and 26 °C.

IELTS task 1. Please check my grammar please!

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