IELTS task 1. Please check my grammar

Question

The charts below show the main reasons for study among students of different age groups and the amount of support they received from employers.My essayThe bar charts give the percentages of two reasons, for career and interest, for study according to the age groups of students: under 26, 26-29, 30-39, 40-49 and over 49 and of support employees in different ages could receive from their employers.Overall, under 26 students have the highest percentage of both study for their future career and employer support, while the reason for study is for enjoyment has the least proportion compared to other ages. Furthermore, employees in the age group of 30-39 see a decrease in the help from higher position.In the first chart, there is the highest percentage of reason for work in the youngest age group, at 80%; however, they don’t have much interest in learning, as 8 times less than for career. On the other hand, students who are older than 49 share the highest proportion of enthusiasm in studying, at 70%, while for career reason doesn’t count as much as the previous one. Meanwhile, there is the same percentage in both reasons in the 40-49 group.As for support, employers care about the youngest age group the most, but this trend starts to decline by the age of 39, from 70% to about 35% respectively. Nevertheless, after the officers reached the age of 40, people in higher position looked after them more carefully, yet not as much as the young, at from 40 to 45%.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar charts give the percentages of two reasons, (That is not correct. Only one bar chart shows the reasons for study.) for career and interest, for study according to the age groups of students: under 26, 26-29, 30-39, 40-49 and over 49 and of support employees in different ages ~~could~~ (Modal verbs are usually inappropriate for factual data.) receive from their employers.

This infographic is way too complicated for one sentence. Make at least two sentences.

Example opening:

The first bar chart plots the results of a survey of students in five age groups asking them if they studied for personal interest or career advancement. The second bar chart plots the percentage of students in these same age groups who received support from their employers. The age groups are under 26, 26-29, 30-39 40-49 and over 49.

Overall, ~~under 26 students~~ (This means 25 students or less. You don't know how many students answered the survey.) students under 26 years old / students in the under-26 age group have the highest percentage of both those who study for their future career and those who receive employer support. while the reason for study is for enjoyment has the least proportion compared to other ages. Furthermore, employees in the 30-39 age group ~~of 30-39 see a decrease~~ had the least support from their company. ~~in the help from higher position.~~ (That makes no sense.)

In the first chart, (You did not mention "the first chart" in your opening paragraph, so the reader is confused.) there is the highest percentage of reason for work in the youngest age group, at 80%; however, they don’t have much interest in learning, (Why are they studying if they are not interested in learning?) as 8 times less than for career. On the other hand, students who are older than 49 share the highest proportion of enthusiasm in studying, (That is not correct.) at 70%, while for career reason doesn’t count as much as the previous one. ~~Meanwhile~~, there is the same percentage who cite in both reasons in the 40-49 group.

As for support, employers care about (That is a conclusion. Do not write conclusions in Task 1) the youngest age group the most, but this trend starts to decline by the age of 39, from 70% to about 35% respectively. Nevertheless, after the officers (wrong word, They are students, not police or military people.) reached the age of 40, people in higher position looked after them more carefully, (Conclusion. ) yet not as much as the young, at from 40 to 45%.

Example essay:

The first bar chart plots the proportions of students, in five age brackets, who reported career or personal interest as their main reason for study. The second plots the percentage who received support for their studies from their employers. The age groups are under 26, 26-29, 30-39 40-49 and over 49.

Overall, students tend to study what interests them more than what would help their career as they get older. The highest level of employer support is for the youngest age group, and the smallest is for the middle age group. The survey had a very good response rate of 80-90%.

The first chart demonstrates an inverse relationship between career as a motivation for study and age. Eight out of every ten students under 26 study to improve their career prospects. This percentage gradually declines by 10-20% per bracket for the next three groups. Only 40% of the students aged 40-49 and 18% of those over 49 are studying for career reasons; the rest of the respondents are in classes that interest them personally.

The second chart shows that employer support, money for course fees and leave to attend classes, is maximum (just over 60%) for the youngest age group. It drops to a minimum of 32% in the middle age bracket (30-39), and then increases in each of the two older age groups. In the oldest group, less than half (43%) of these students get support from their company, but 70% of them are studying subjects that interest them personally.

IELTS task 1. Please check my grammar

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