IELTS task 1 PLEASE CHECK MY ESSAY

Question

The chart below shows the percentage of households in owned and rented accommodation in England and Wales between 1918 and 2011.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart shows the percentage of households owning and renting accommodation in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011.

Overall, t
here was a gradual increase in the percentage of households in owned during this time, whereas the figures for renting accommodation had a dramatic decrease between 1918 and 2011.

The proportion of households owning and renting accommodation followed an opposite trend throughout the period. In 1918, nearly 80% of people had houses, the highest value in the set data. In contrast, the percentage of renting accommodation started at a quarter of that amount, about 20%, the lowest value on the chart.

From 1939 to 2001, the figures for households owning rose roughly 3- fold, peaked at roughly 70% in 2001, before falling to 65% approximately in 2011. Meanwhile, there was a constant decline by about 45 percentage points in that of renting accommodation, reached a trough at nearly 30% in 2001, and then slightly went up to roughly 45% at the end of the period.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The bar chart shows the percentages of households owning and renting accommodation in England and Wales from 1918 to 2011. Nine points in time are plotted: 1918, 1939, 1953 and then every 10 years from 1961 to 2011.

Overall, there was a gradual increase in the percentage of households in owned

Overall, there was a gradual increase in the percentage of households in owned (missing word) during this time, whereas those ~~the figures~~ for renting accommodation had a dramatic (??) decrease ~~between 1918 and 2011.~~

I gave you this advice in your previous post. Apparently, you did not read it.

Avoid "figure" when referring to data values. A figure in a math/science context is a diagram, table or chart.

You missed the observation that the proportions were equal in 1971.

The proportion of households owning and renting accommodation followed an opposite trend (There are two trends, one for each category.) throughout the period. (Note: There are only two possible categories, owning and renting, and the sum at any point in time adds up to 100%. So if one goes down, the other must go up. If one has a dramatic increase, the other has a dramatic decrease. You actually don't need to describe both curves, because of this mathematical relationship between them. It is very good to tell the reader about this relationship between the two categories.) In 1918, nearly 80% of people had houses, the highest value in the set data. (wrong expression) In contrast, the percentage of those renting their accommodation started at a quarter of that amount, about 20%, the lowest value on the chart.

From 1939 to 2001, the figures for households owning rose more than ~~roughly~~ 3- fold, (3 * 20 = 60) peaking at roughly 70% in 2001, before falling to approximately 65% ~~approximately~~ in 2011. Meanwhile, there was a constant decline by about 45 percentage points in that of renting accommodation, reached a trough at nearly 30% in 2001, and then slightly went up to roughly 45% (wrong value) at the end of the period.

IELTS task 1 PLEASE CHECK MY ESSAY

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