IELTS Task 1 - Need correcting

Question

The given graph illustrates the amount of money spent on various form of entertainment in 1995 and 2000 in Asia, Europe and the United States.

Overall, the total amount of money spent in all three areas in 1995 was lower than that in 2000. The total amount of money spent on publishing stayed the largest in three areas and both in 1995 and 2000.

In 1995, the money spent in the United States was the highest. Meanwhile, the figure in Europe was higher than the figure in Asia. . Publishing was the form receiving the largest amount of money while cinema received the smallest.

In 2000, the figure of all three areas rose and United States experienced the most dramatic growth of all three. Asia still spent the smallest amount of money on entertainment while, Europe spent higher. Publishing and television still got the larget and the second-largest amount of money, respectively. The money spent on cinema was the lowest.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The ~~given~~ graph (What kind of graph is it?) ~~illustrates~~ (Wrong word - shows,) the amount of money spent on various form (Wrong form. What forms are there? How many?) of entertainment in 1995 and 2000 in Asia, Europe and the United States.

Your first paragraph is incomplete. There is no rule

Your first paragraph is incomplete. There is no rule to write only one sentence in the first paragraph. In most Task 1 exercises, you will need two or three sentences to completely describe the figure.

Overall, the total amount of money spent in all three ~~areas~~ (wrong word. continents. Publishing, Television and music are areas too. ) in 1995 was lower than that in 2000. The total amount of money spent on publishing ~~stayed~~ was the largest ~~in three areas~~ and both in 1995 and 2000.

In 1995, the money spent in the United States was the highest. Meanwhile, the figure in Europe was higher than the figure in Asia. . Publishing was the form receiving the largest amount of money while cinema received the smallest.

In 2000, the figure of all three areas rose and United States experienced (Do not use anthropomorphic verbs - "see", "witness" and "experience" in Task 1. They are not appropriate for a scientific / mathematical context.) the most dramatic growth of all three. Asia still spent the smallest amount of money on entertainment while, Europe spent higher. Publishing and television still got the larget and the second-largest amount of money, respectively. The money spent on cinema was the lowest.

You repeated ideas several times. Not good.

Avoid "figure" in task 1. In this context, charts, maps, diagrams and table are figures. A figure is not a data value. "Figure" refers to data values in the context of business financial reporting.

Here are some points:

People in the US spent more than twice as much as Asians on entertainment in both years. Although the relative gap between them narrowed on a percentage basis (from 275% in 1995 to 233% in 2000), it rose on an absolute basis (117 versus $147 billion respectively). Europe fell in between these two extremes.

The rank order of spending was publishing, television, music, video and cinema. This pattern was consistent across geographic area as well as time frame, although in Asia and Europe, the last two categories were nearly equal.

In both years and all three continents, the amount spent on cinema was similar, between approximately $5 and 10 billion.

Overall, data values ranged from $67 (1995, Asia) and $257 billion (2000, USA).

Over that five-year period, spending in Europe increased the least, percentage-wise, about one third. Spending in Asia increased about two-thirds, and the US was in between, about 40%.

IELTS Task 1 - Need correcting

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