IELTS TASK 1 - Help me to correct it!!!

Question

The pie chart below compares four different factors causing worldwide land degradation while the given table illustrates the percentage of land degraded by various elements in three areas, namely: North America, Oceania, and Europe.

Overall, most land becomes less productive because of over-grazing and Europe is the place which had the highest amount of land degraded.

Looking at the pie graph in more detail, over-grazing was the most common reason of land deterioration, at 35% which was 5% higher than deforestation. The lowest figure belonged to other reasons, at 7% which was four times lower than over-grazing.

Regarding the table, Europe ranked first in the place of total land degraded, at nearly a quarter of land and the main cause was deforestation, at 9,8%. On the other hand, Oceania was the only area which had no land degraded by over-cultivation while the figure for North America and Europe were 3,3% and 7,7% respectively.

Teechr · Accepted Answer

The pie chart below compares four different factors causing worldwide land degradation, while the given table illustrates the percentage of land degraded by various elements in three areas, namely: North America, Oceania, and Europe.

Overall, most land ~~becomes~~ became less productive b

Overall, most land ~~becomes~~ became less productive because of over-grazing, and Europe is the ~~place~~ region which had the ~~highest amount~~ largest area of land degraded.

Looking at the pie chart ~~graph~~ in more detail, over-grazing was the most common reason of for land deterioration. In fact at it was responsible for 35% of global land degradation, which was 5% higher than the area degraded by deforestation. On the other hand, over-cultivation accounted for 28% of all degraded land, while 7% was due to other factors. ~~The lowest figure belonged to other reasons, at 7% which was four times lower than over-grazing.~~

Regarding the table, Europe ranked first in regarding the ~~place of~~ total land area degraded. ~~, at~~ Nearly a quarter of the agricultural land there has been lost, and the main cause was deforestation, at which was responsible for the loss of 9.8% of land in Europe. On the other hand, Oceania was the only area which had no land degraded by over-cultivation, while the figures for North America and Europe were 3.3% and 7.7% respectively. Nevertheless, Oceania suffered significant loss of agricultural land (11.3%) due to over-grazing.

----------------------------------------------

Do not use a comma to write a decimal. Use a dot instead.

Poster · Answer

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2019/05/ielts-writing-task-1-stop-using-given.html

car banana 513The pie chart below compares four different factors causing worldwide land degradation while the given table illustrates the

I would put a comma before 'while' here, as a small pause is required. Punctuation is essentially markings to help the reader phrase the sentence correctly, particularly when reading aloud.

car banana 513Overall, most land becomes less productive because of over-grazing and Europe is the place which had the highest amount of land degraded.

Inconsistent tenses: use past simple as we are talking about the nineteen-nineties. Thus: became

car banana 513reason of land deterioration

Usually 'reason for' something.

car banana 513The lowest figure belonged to other reasons, at 7% which was four times lower than over-grazing.

Needs a comma before 'which', as it is an extra idea tagged on the end.

car banana 513Europe ranked first in the place of total land degraded

We know Europe is a place. 'In terms of' is useful phrase in Task 1. Perhaps: Europe ranked first in terms of land degradation ...

https://ielts-simon.com/ielts-help-and-english-pr/2015/05/ielts-writing-task-1-using-in-terms-of.html

car banana 513land and the main cause was deforestation

I would put a comma before 'and' here, as it is a separate idea.

car banana 513 On the other hand,

To me, this phrase is more argumentative, and better suited to Task 2. In Task 1, 'in contrast' would be more suitable.

car banana 513the figure for North America and Europe

This would need to be 'figures' as there are more than one. 'Figures' is often used in a business context to refer to accounting results and financial items such as budgets. However, in academic usage it is more likely to refer to diagrams, graphs and charts. Perhaps: the percentages in North America and Europe

car banana 5133,3% and 7,7%

English uses the full-stop or period as the decimal point. Thus: 3.3% and 7.7%. The comma is sometimes used as a thousands separator, but it is better to use a space in international correspondence to avoid confusion. For example 3,141 would be read in English-speaking countries as three thousand one hundred and forty one, whereas in Europe this would be the figure for pi (p). If you need to write a large number for international settings use a space: 12 000 000 (ie twelve million).

IELTS TASK 1 - Help me to correct it!!!

Top answer

Get the Weekly English Kit 📬

Related Questions