IELTS Task 1 Check

Question

Please help me with my essay. Thank you.The pie charts demonstrate the proportion of three types of nutrients contained in typical meals in the USA.It can be seen that people tend to consume most sodium and saturated fat for dinner, while large amount of sugar is consumed for snacks. Added sugar is consumed with different amount during the day, compare to other nutrients.In breakfast, saturated fat and added sugar have the same percentage at 16%, while sodium is 2% smaller. For the next meal, people consume a fair amount of sodium and saturated fat, which is 29% and 26% respectively. And 19% of added sugar is included in the same meal. Dinner contains 23% of added sugar, 37% of fat plus twice as sodium as sugar. Snacks, on the other hand, contain a minority of sodium, as well as 21% of saturated fat. However, added sugar comprises of nearly half the nutrient content in snacks.

AlpheccaStars · Accepted Answer

The pie charts ~~demonstrate~~ show / depict / give the proportion of three types of nutrients contained in typical meals in the USA. (That is not a correct statement. Also the paragraph is incomplete. How many pie charts are there? What is on each one? What are the types of nutrients? You need to describe all the aspects of the diagram, but not the data, in the first paragraph so the reader knows what you are writing about.)

Model paragraph:

Three pie charts, labelled sodium, saturated fat, and added sugar, show the percentage of the daily total consumption of that nutrient divided between the three meals and snacks in a typical day. This data is from the average American diet.

~~It can be seen that~~ (Unnecessary verbiage. Just describe the data, not looking at the diagram.) people tend to consume the most sodium and saturated fat at ~~for~~ dinner, while a large amount of sugar is consumed for (wrong word - in ) snacks. Added sugar is consumed with (wrong word - in) different amount (wrong form) during the day, compare to other nutrients. (This sentence makes no sense. The intake of all these nutrients is measured in different amounts during the day.)

In breakfast, saturated fat and added sugar have the same percentage at 16%, while sodium is 2% smaller. ~~For~~ At lunch, ~~the next meal~~, people consume ~~a fair amount~~ more than a quarter of their daily average total of sodium and saturated fat, which is 29% and 26% respectively. And 19% of added sugar is included in the same meal. Dinner contains (Incorrect statement) 23% of added sugar, 37% of fat plus twice as sodium as sugar. Snacks, on the other hand, contain a minority (wrong word) of sodium, as well as 21% of saturated fat. However, added sugar comprises of nearly half the nutrient content in snacks. (That is incorrect.. The pie chart does not tell us that a snack has 50% sugar content. It says that of all the sugar eaten per day, 42% comes from snacks.)

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