IELTS questions

Hi, I will be grate if any moderator can check this letter for the IELTS
Thanks.

Subject :
You live in a room in college which you share with another student. However, there are many problems with this arrangement and you find it very difficult to work.

Write a letter to the accommodation officer at the college. In the letter:
- Describe the situation.
- Explain your problems and why it is difficult to work.
- Say what kind of accommodation you would prefer.
(150 words at least)

Answer:

9 September 2012
Dear, Ma’am

I’m writing this letter to explain my dissatisfaction with my current roommate. July and I live in 301 Green Dorm since last summer semester. I’m having serious difficulties with my roommate, July, who is studying sports education and loves Kung Fu and other martial arts. The problem is she enjoys practicing several martial arts and watching action movies in the room every night. Her habits are too loud and dangerous to stay the same place. Furthermore we got a bunch of complaints from other rooms around us frequently. But July still continues to insist that practicing in the room is a part of physical development because she can’t go out due to our curfew.

I understand her situation in some ways but I also need to get a good night’s sleep so I can concentrate on my last semester. Moreover I can’t stand getting complaints from neighbors anymore. Last Monday, she broke my new laptop trying a new Kung Fu technique right beside my desk while I was taking a shower: yet I haven’t gotten an apology from her. Rather, she has been pretending to be innocent for a week as if it never happened. This has since left our relationship broken.

In this regard, I sincerely request you to consider to shift me to a single room accommodation as soon as possible. I greatly appreciate your understanding of my predicament.

Yours Faithfully,
Rachel