IELTS: Please comment on my writing, please

Question

Hi frndz, I need to IELTS score at least 7 in all four sections. I am little worried about my writting, it would a great help if rview my following writing. Thanks in advance.

Topic: Meadowside village development (task 1)

The illustration portrays the progression of Meadowside village into a suburb from 1962, through 1985 to the present date and it clearly shows how the village has developed its facilities and improved its living standard with time.

In 1962, it was a small village with very little infrastructure, even there were no direct connection with the city, Fonton, by road. The only noteworthy construction was a wide road crossing the village from west to north. However by the year 1985, it developed a number of facilities, like a leisure complex, a housing state and a supermarket beside a main road and these facilities, altogether, upgraded the quality of life of the village people. Moreover, a new branch of the old main road was built towards east which connected the village with Fonton city and it significantly improved the communication and transport and also open a new opportunity of further expanding the village area.

With the continued development the village, it has now emerged as a suburb. A rail station was established further improving the communication with the city. A business park is constructed in a very strategic position, beside the main road and very distant from rail station. Near the rail station, a hotel is also founded.

Altogether, the conspicuous advancement of Meadowside village with a number of new establishments has added lots value not only to its economy and communication but also raised the society to a new standard.

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Regards
Shan

Asima117 · Accepted Answer

hi, Shan!
firstly u say: it would BE a great help if....( in your second sentence)
as I understood u r explaining a graph or a chart...
I did ielts and I think maybe I can help u with smth..

I think u r better to change the word portrays(because portray means- to make a portrait of ...) graphs are not portraits)
why did u write has developed and then improved??? in that case u r talking about villages.this is the main noun for those two verbs, so both of them should be used with the same time:present perfect or past simple...In your 2nd sentence the word even stays in wrong position. I think it should be before the word connection or after the word there and if u say connection(which is singular) u should say there WAS no connection...However, during the year......change like with such as........beside the main road....upgraded the quality of peoples' lives who lived in that village....I think there is no preposition the before communication

Shrahmann · Answer

Thanks a lot Asima. Your inputs will surely help me to correct my mistakes.

Actually I attended IELTS exam once in 2007 and got brand score 7 but only 6 in writting (it was ok as per requirement of that time) but now I need 7 or above in all modules for a registration exam in Australia. So i will again sit for ELTS on 19 March and I hope my english is now much improved after my first IELTS exam, but I am still seriously conerned about my writting.

If you have some time to spare, would you please give your inputs on my writtings I posts. Undoubtedly, it would BE a great support.

Thanks again
Shan

Anonymous · Answer

Hi,

Your essay is quite good. You have detailed the informations well. However, I noticed that your tenses mixed up. Please observe one tense allthroughout. And rephrase some of your statements because you got a few grammatial errors. Other than that, it's good.

Thank you

Anonymous · Answer

Some people think that high-school graduates should travel or work for a period of time in abroad instead of going directly to study at university.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of both approaches.

Most people are really in two minds about what to do when they leave high-school. Whether apply straight for the university or go abroad for some time. Below, I shall elucidate both sides and then in conclusion I shall justify my position.
First of all, there are many benefits of going directly to university. The most important point is that the sooner the qualifications are achieved, the quicker the job will be acquired consequently a person may start earning money. In fact, starting work as well as making money is the most reasonable aspects in life. Regarding other people, they also believe that these are vital goals.
Secondly, if a pupil goes straightaway to university he or she will absorb a great deal of useful information that will help him or her in the future. After all, there is a self-evident concept that knowledge is the key to power and nobody can disagree with it. Moreover, the student will be able to take part in the activities that the university offers and meet majority of new friends who share the same interests.
However, it could be argued that it is feasible to make more friends and commune with interesting people while travelling. Furthermore, one will be able to learn more about the world, other people, culture and etc. In addition to this, juvenile will get used to live far-from home and family. What I connote by this is that they will get rid of live off their parents and learn how to survive on their own during next periods of their lives.
Unfortunately, another point is that during the travel, there will be financial demand. As I mentioned before, this kind of issues will teach them to the future life. Clearly, how bravely and perceptively they overcome this problems will estimate their positions in their coming life.
To sum up, I would like to emphasize that both presumptions are advantageous for pupils. As for me, I prefer going forthwith to university. Because I do not have opportunity to work overseas. Due to this it is convenient to me to continue studying in academic establishments.

Please check my task 2 please! honestly!
Your sincerely Husniddin

IELTS: Please comment on my writing, please

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