Hi Alphecca,
I have learnt a lot from your feedbacks. Thanks a lot!
Could you please help me improve the below essay?
Topic:
Some people believe that the range of technology available to individuals today is increasing the gap between rich people and poor people, while others say that technology has the opposite effect. Discuss both views and give your opinion.Essay:People have different views about how technological advances affect the gap between rich and poor. While I accept that impoverished people have certainly benefited by some technologies, I agree with those who argue that the advances in technology are increasing economic inequality around the world.On the one hand, there are several technologies that have improved significantly the quality of life of middle class, narrowing the gap between them and upper class. In the past, only affluent people could get access to the Internet by their expensive computers. However, nowadays, thanks to the development in smartphone manufacturing, almost all people in middle or lower class can possess an affordable smartphone to access to world-wide information. Farmers now can check weather predictions or market prices, enabling them to manage their farms and market their products in a more efficient and timely manner. Furthermore, the advances in transportation are leading to a decrease in transportation prices. For example, Air Asia, a budget airline company with famous slogan “Now everyone can fly”, has offered cheap flight tickets and given poor people chances to travel abroad to broaden their horizons.On the other hand, I believe that technology is partly to blame for the rise in income inequality. Unarguably, machine automation has been replacing human works, resulting in the destruction of working class jobs. Meanwhile, there is an increasing number of cutting-edge gadgets that only serve to make the rich richer, rather than improving life for all. Robots and self-driving cars, for instance, are helping the wealthiest people to save time doing house chores and having a safer drive, allowing them to focus more on earning money and enjoying life of luxurious leisure. The use of state-of-the-art technologies like virtual reality in education also helps rich children to boost their creativity and construct their own knowledge from meaningful experiences, which puts them in an advantage in personal development.In conclusion, although poor people might reap various benefits from technological advancement, they are likely to be left further behind their rich counterparts due to the development of many emerging technologies.Where are the paragraph breaks?
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