IELTS Essay task 2

greetings! hello there. Is there someone who could help me to check my writing?

TOPIC: Education is required as vital to the future of any society in today's world. Governments throughout the world should make education compulsory for all children between 5 and 15. (To what extent) do you agree or disagree with the statement? Give your opinion.

MY ANSWER: Nowadays, education is the most significant way through success of every country. With that, I strongly believe that declaring study as compulsory for children from elementary to secondary would be beneficial to every country for some reasons.

First and foremost, students would be forced and undoubtedly learn as most of them today are do not want to attend classes. How come these youths would be the source of success if they do not even know how to write and read and definitely cannot find a job.This is the usual case in some countries especially those who are none english. So if their citizens will go and learn, there is no doubt that these young adults will become successful in the near future and would join their country's work-force.

Secondly, this could decrease the number of youth crime. There is a higher possibility that all of the offspring might be busy to their study so they would be clearly off the street. Therefore, they could not truly make offenses. Indeed, they would also get some friends as well as a second parent roled by their teachers who teaching them good characters.

Lastly, gaining knowledge could naturally decline the poverty rate. In some third world countries, for instance, where there were increasing poverty population, most of the family members are prefer to work at early age to help their parents instead of obtaining a knowledge at school that would led to poor quality of living. If the leaders of each homelands would push their citizens to be educated, then it is not impossible for them to progress.

In conclusion, it is clear that everybody would be beneficiary if all governments take an action to have a law that study would be required and Ideally, everyone should cooperate for this improvement.

By the way, I am Sarah Jane.

Thank you in advance.