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Gotha Posted 11 years ago
Essay & Composition Writing
IELTS essay review?
Hello everyone! I am taking my IELTS exam in a few days and I have been practicing a lot with my writing. Although I have noticed I have improved, I think I still make some mistakes. Here is one of my latest essays I wrote. Could anybody take a look at it and correct my errors?
Thank you very much.
Over recent years, the everyday lifestyle has undergo many changes that have influenced people’s health and fitness with a consequent increase in their average weight. Fast food and sedentarily activities are the main causes of these problems.
Especially in the developed countries, people have become lazier and impatient to do everything in the shortest amount of time possible. This affects also eating. Food has been started to be consumed quickly and the majority of people do not have time or feel like cooking a proper meal anymore. That is why they have started to consume fast foods or pre-cooked meals which need only to be put in the microwave to be ready. But this kind of food is strongly unhealthy and an overconsumption of it can lead to several health problems, like obesity or diabetes.
Along with these bad habits related to alimentation, there are other problems associated with exercising. The amount of time dedicated to outdoor activities and sports has been drastically reduced. Some people do not have time due to work duties, while some others prefer technology entertainment to a healthy walk in the park.
All these problems can be easily eliminated with simple solutions. As regards food, people should be more aware of the danger they may encounter with eating bad meals, therefore they should retail some time to cook the meal at home for the day after, without having so to buy a fast food for lunch or dinner. Exercising does not mean only playing sports or going to the gym. One can easily exercise by just choosing to take the stares instead of the lift or to go to work by bike instead of taking the car. These are few easy solution that can save one’s life from many diseases.
Thank you very much.
Over recent years, the everyday lifestyle has undergo many changes that have influenced people’s health and fitness with a consequent increase in their average weight. Fast food and sedentarily activities are the main causes of these problems.
Especially in the developed countries, people have become lazier and impatient to do everything in the shortest amount of time possible. This affects also eating. Food has been started to be consumed quickly and the majority of people do not have time or feel like cooking a proper meal anymore. That is why they have started to consume fast foods or pre-cooked meals which need only to be put in the microwave to be ready. But this kind of food is strongly unhealthy and an overconsumption of it can lead to several health problems, like obesity or diabetes.
Along with these bad habits related to alimentation, there are other problems associated with exercising. The amount of time dedicated to outdoor activities and sports has been drastically reduced. Some people do not have time due to work duties, while some others prefer technology entertainment to a healthy walk in the park.
All these problems can be easily eliminated with simple solutions. As regards food, people should be more aware of the danger they may encounter with eating bad meals, therefore they should retail some time to cook the meal at home for the day after, without having so to buy a fast food for lunch or dinner. Exercising does not mean only playing sports or going to the gym. One can easily exercise by just choosing to take the stares instead of the lift or to go to work by bike instead of taking the car. These are few easy solution that can save one’s life from many diseases.
Top answer
You should separate your text into sentences and paragraphs. Doing that makes it much easier to read. Once you have done that, you can post it again and wait for a reply.
- You should separate your text into sentences and paragraphs.
- Doing that makes it much easier to read.
- Once you have done that, you can post it again and wait for a reply.
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5 Answers
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You should separate your text into sentences and paragraphs. Doing that makes it much easier to read. Once you have done that, you can post it again and wait for a reply.
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Over recent years, the everyday lifestyle has undergo many changes that have influenced people’s health and fitness with a consequent increase in their average weight. Fast food and sedentarily activities are the main causes of these problems.
Especially in the developed countries, people have become lazier and impatient to do everything in the shortest amount of time possible. This affe
Especially in the developed countries, people have become lazier and impatient to do everything in the shortest amount of time possible. This affe
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GothaOver recent years,Over recent years, everyday lifestyles have undergone many changes that have influenctheeveryday lifestyle has undergo many changes that have influenced people’s health and fitness with a consequent increase in their average weight.
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GothaAlong with these bad habits related to alimentation,The meaning of this is unclear. The word "alimentation" is not really used in everyday, non-technical English. You should explain what you mean.
Gothawhile some others prefer technology entertainment to a healthy walk in
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