IELTS Essay about Strict Discipline

Hi Everybody,

I need your help to give some feedback for my IELTS essay below.

Thanks so much

Regards,

Theresia

Topic :

Some parents grow their children in strict discipline while others leave them free to learn lessons of lives on their own. Which is one of these is a better approach and why? Give your own opinion in not less than 250 words.

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I really agree that parents must educate their children in strict discipline. There are two reasons to support this argument. First, children need to be disciplined more strictly because they need to develop the positive mental attitude. In the fact, most of children are not matured yet. Somehow, parents must say “no” instead of “yes” for certain good reasons. For example: parents must scold or snatch their children because they would rather spend most of their time for playing X-BOX than do their homework. This method would opened their eyes slowly, how important to become diligent person instead of lazy. If the parents do not tolerance with the laziness, children would be more conscious how important to have responsibility with their study is. Moreover, they will realize that they must hard work to success in their study. Second, strict discipline is the best method to remove the bad habits or characters from their personality. Though there is a pain full in strict discipline. Children would be able to think about something that they must change in their mind. Nevertheless, we have a responsible to let them know the particular reason behind our action. Certainly, Children have the right perspective with the parent’s action. Children would be conscious of how important discipline is to change their mind set and character to become a better person.