IELTS Academic Writing task 2

Please help checking and grading my essay for IELTS writing task 2, teachers. Thank you for your kindness!

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

Since the 4.0 industrial revolution, businesses have evolvoed and developed drastically. Along with this development, there has been a controversy debate gradually occured about besides making money, businesses should also have social responsibilities. In my perspective, firms should carry out both tasks for the following reasons.

Obviously, gaining money is the first priority of a company. As being a lucrative company, that company would pay more taxes, then eventually contribute to gorvenment funds. This funds will be used to build schools, hospitals, roads, bridges, ect. Moreover, when a firm's profit increases, its expandation is quaranteed to come a long and once a business is expanding, it surely would need more employees to adapt. Hence, there would be more job oppotunities available for unemployed individuals.

Making money is undoubtly a prime aim of a business yet having social responsibilities is just equally vital. The most critical problem that firms should call the shots for is the environment. Factories have been emitted hazardous emissions to the air. Industrial watse have been dumped to the rivers and lands which all causing drastic damage to the environment. Business should take full responsibility for what they have done and try to improve their systems to be more evironmental friendly. Futhermore, once firms are being financially successful, they should use the money they earned to help the sociaty by financing scholarships, doing charity and the likes.

To summarize my opinion, besides gaining financial profit, firms should also step up to the plate for their responsibitities to the community.

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